The Weekly Needle
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The Weekly Needle
The Weekly Needle is America's number 1 satirical news source.
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Lately
CDC Director Erica Schwartz Uses All Hands to Neither Confirm Nor Deny She is CDC Director.
New Groundbreaking Research from Local Toddler Explores Why She Doesn’t Need a Nap.
Trump Administration To Release Executive Order on Vaccines that Links What The Fuck to Holy Shit That’s Unhinged.
Cyclospora Outbreak Stops Due to Contracting Cyclospora From Another Outbreak.
CDC Staff Wake Up from Same Surreal Dream of RFK Jr Lecturing Them About Tuskegee Experiment.
RFK Jr Cancels Last Minute Stop at CDC Headquarters After Contracting Explosive Diarrhea from Cringy Jay Bhattacharya AI-Generated Image.
“You Want to Stand There and Attack Me?” RFK Jr Argues With Local Starbucks Employee About “Invasive Question”on What RFK Jr Would Like to Drink
After CNN Debacle, RFK Jr Bans All Journalists Not Named RFK Jr from Interviewing RFK JR
CDC to Detail Detailees to Other Details to Cover Detailee’s Details
Secretary Kennedy Comforts Family Grieving Cyclospora Loss By Telling Them He Isn’t Vaccinated.
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