RFK Jr Cancels Last Minute Stop at CDC Headquarters After Contracting Explosive Diarrhea from Cringy Jay Bhattacharya AI-Generated Image.

Note: The Weekly Needle will not publish the alleged image of Dr. Jay Bhattacharya in question due to several staff members also catching explosive diarrhea from looking at. Viewer discretion is highly advised.

ATLANTA - RFK Jr had to cancel a “fireside chat” scheduled today to commemorate last year’s terrorist attack at CDC due to contracting explosive diarrhea linked to a weird AI-generated image of Jay Bhattacharya as a “WWE Wrestler who uses the CDC Logo to cover up his stupid fat belly and small penis,” claims HHS.

In an email to CDC employees, HHS sent a note “regretfully informing” the agency that RFK Jr would be cancelling his appearance due to “uncontrollable and seemingly infinite poop explosions”.

“We regret to inform the staff at CDC that Secretary Kennedy is unable to come today as he shat through all his clothes,” claims the statement from HHS, “He has been shitting so much he is actively shooting around the room, using his dook like a brown water cannon”.

When asked for a statement to the media, HHS added “RFK Jr can’t stop shitting due to contracting diarrhea from that cringy image of Jay Bhattacharya as a weirdo fuck. We highly recommend not seeing that photo”.

The photo, which has been making the rounds on Signal, and will not be published in this article in order to save viewers from contracting explosive diarrhea, shows an image that one poster described as “the AI-generated epitome of shitting out cringe”. The image thanks Dr. Bhattacharya for “serving as the guy who we had to call Acting Director, even though you weren’t really,” and portrays him as “a superhero and WWE guy with weirdly sexual thighs and a Backrooms-looking abomination approximating his face,” per one commentator.

The image also shows telltale marks of AI, with one “CDC” logo on the outfit replaced with the word “coc,” and a seeming mound similar to a Ken doll where Bhattacharya’s male anatomy should be. However, experts have yet to determine if this is anatomically correct to the NIH Director, or if this was an AI-generated hallucination.

“His shit is all over the place,” claims the email, “It’s gotten to the point where it sounds like an air balloon letting out all the air. He had no idea he had that much shit in him. But thanks to cringe AI, everyone can rest assured that Bobby is actively shitting his pants and somehow blaming the Tuskegee experiment for it”.

In order to fill in the last minute change, HHS plans to replace the Secretary with an AI-generated version of himself in a “virtual fireside chat” that would provide a “more human, empathetic, and coherent,” statement regarding the one year anniversary of the terrorist attack of a disturbed individual who believed in RFK Jr’s unfactual claims that CDC is evil.