This story reminded me of a much more pleasant interaction I witnessed recently involving peach Bellinis.

A friend and his boyfriend wanted to take my boyfriend and me to dinner, so we settled on a vaguely Italian chain restaurant. My friend has a long list of food allergies and dietary requirements, so he’s always extremely diligent in checking ingredients beforehand and clarifying with waitstaff on the day.

Waitress: “Would you like to put in any drink orders?”

Friend: “I’d like the peach Bellini please, but could you please check if it has any citric acid in it?”

Waitress: “I know for certain it does, but we have some other fruit flavourings too, so I could do you a special strawberry Bellini instead?”

Friend: “That sounds lovely, thank you!

Waitress: *Goes off to the kitchen and returns looking worried.* “I double-checked just to be sure, and unfortunately the strawberry flavouring also contains citric acid. But I checked all the other flavourings, and there’s no citric acid in the cherry flavouring. Do you like cherry?

Friend: “I love cherry, that would be amazing, thank you!”

The waitress takes our food orders, bustles off, and comes back with his cherry Bellini (which we all tried and it was delicious) as well as the rest of our drinks. We put in our food orders, and my friend orders a salad containing roasted peppers. When the food comes out, his salad has raw tomatoes in it and no peppers, so we flag down the waitress.

Friend: “I’m really sorry, this has raw tomatoes on it which I’m extremely allergic to. It didn’t say on the menu there would be tomatoes in the salad, so I didn’t think to ask. Could you please have it remade without the tomatoes? Everything else is perfect.”

Waitress: “I’m so sorry! We ran out of the roasted peppers, so I guess the chefs decided to make up for it with replacement vegetables. I’ll get you a safe version immediately. Is there anything else you want on it instead?”

Friend: “If you have raw bell pepper, that would be great, but if not, just the rest of the ingredients is fine.”

The waitress returns with the new salad and checks on the rest of us, smiling and joking around the whole time. When it’s time to pay the bill, we discuss for a minute and decide she was so lovely about everything we want to give her a tip. Tipping isn’t customary in the UK; it’s only really done for exemplary service, so we make sure to leave a note saying thank you for the wonderful service.

So often people with allergies are treated like nuisances when they go out to eat, so it was incredibly refreshing to meet a server who made the effort to double-check ingredients and remake food without a fuss! When we got home, both he and I sent the restaurant a compliment detailing her great service, and got an email reply saying our feedback would be shared with the entire chain’s staff as well as the company CEO because they were so glad to hear we had a good time. That server’s patience and dedication have definitely turned us into repeat customers.

I work at a large fish market. We sell mostly farmed prawns, but we have a small section for wild tiger prawns.

Customer: “Why are those so expensive?”

Me: “They’re wild tiger prawns, and also a lot bigger than the farmed ones.”

Customer: “Wild?”

Me: “Not farmed. Caught by fishermen in the Atlantic.”

Customer: “Oh, so free range?”

Me: “I mean… I suppose?”

Customer: “Next time just say that. Using fancy words doesn’t mean we’re all idiots who will fall for it, you know.”

They moved on without making a purchase. Maybe it’s because it was 5 AM and some people’s brains hadn’t kicked into gear yet, but… what?

A couple has just been served their entrées (as part of a set menu), and I go back to check on them. The guy is already angry.

Customer: “I feel the need to speak up! The soup is very bland! I don’t want to pay for it!”

Me: “Soup? We didn’t bring you any soup. You’ve only gotten the prawns so far.”

Customer: “This soup! It’s practically water!”

Me: “You mean the lemon water bowls we provide for washing your fingers after peeling the prawns?”

He looked shocked. His wife looked embarrassed. I didn’t hear even a mumble from him for the rest of the night.

Related:
No Soup For You! Part 15
No Soup For You! Part 14
No Soup For You! Part 13
No Soup For You! Part 12
No Soup For You! Part 11

I’m giving a walking tour to some tourists in London. I’m standing on the Millennium Bridge, explaining the history of the River Thames, when one of the tourists asks:

Tourist: “Is that your Capitol Building?”

Me: “No, that’s St. Paul’s Cathedral.”

Tourist: “But why is it copying our Capitol building?”

Me: “It’s not? I can see how the large dome is architecturally similar, but the cathedral was built in 1710.”

Tourist: “But that can’t be right. America is the oldest democracy in the world! 250 years this year!”

Me: “Well, yes, that’s the oldest continuous current modern democracy, but there were plenty of things happening before that, like the construction of that cathedral.”

Tourist: “So you’re seriously telling me that building is more than 250 years old?”

Me: “I am telling you that building is over 300 years old.”

Tourist: “Then please explain to me how it could have copied our Capitol building if it was older than our Capitol building?”

Me: “It couldn’t.”

Tourist: *Smugly.* “Exactly. Know your history!”

I don’t know what exactly happened, but I was able to continue the tour without much further incident, although I did pick up on a scoff when we got to the Globe Theatre and I explained that the original structure was built in 1599.

A guest has just had breakfast in our London hotel, and we’re casually discussing their day of sightseeing as I clear the table.

Guest: “I was thinking of swinging by Paris and try to be back here for the afternoon.”

Me: “Uh… that’s going to be quite ambitious!”

Guest: “Yeah, it’s a bit gloomy out, so it might rain, but I’ll try to walk it if I can.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s possible, sir.”

Guest: “Oh, why? Is the bridge to Paris closed?”

Turns out, he thought everything north of the river Thames was London, and everything south of it was Paris. He could see a tall telecommunication tower from our rooftop bar (the Crystal Palace Transmitting Mast for those who want to know) and just assumed “that was Paris over there.”