Our company sells solar panels and batteries. A couple pulls up and wanders in. The husband is full of questions.

Customer: “So the solar panels only make energy when there’s sun?”

Me: “Yes, that’s basically how they work.”

Customer: “So what do they do at night?”

Me: “Nothing. That’s why we sell batter—”

Customer: “—So you’ll give me a half-price discount.”

Me: “Why would we do that?”

Customer: “They’re not doing anything half the time, so I should only pay half!”

Me: “They’re already priced with that in mind. Their efficiency rating isn’t—”

Customer: “Why would I pay something when it’s not working!”

Me: “Are you paid hourly or do you get a salary?”

Customer: “Salary.”

Me: “So think of these as the same. They don’t work every hour, but the hours they do work make a worthwhile contribution.”

Customer: “You think you’re being smart, don’t ya?”

Customer’s Wife: “No, he’s being normal, you’re just being stupid. Next you’re gonna ask for a discount on mirrors because they only show the side you’re looking from!”

The wife takes over asking the questions, and I’m able to put a quote together for them.

A customer tosses an item onto my checkout belt.

Customer: “Why is this so expensive?! I can get it $2 cheaper at [Competitor]!”

Me: “We don’t price match, so I would recommend going there if you wanted to get it cheaper.”

Customer: “But they never have it in stock! And the store is always dirty! And no one is ever there to help me! And they close early!”

Me: “Then I think we know what that extra $2 is going towards here, then, don’t we, ma’am?”

A man came in looking for a tattoo that day. When I said we had a waiting list and that he’d need to book in with a deposit, he started shouting.

Customer: “What do you mean a deposit?! I’ve NEVER had to pay for a tattoo in my life! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Never paid? Like, ever? Unless you’ve only gotten tattooed by apprentices who are yet to charge or scummy home tattooists, then where did you get that idea?”

Customer: “Everywhere I’ve ever gotten a tattoo, it’s been free!”

Me: “Where? Prison?”

He gave me the finger and stormed out. Did he think all tattooists just work for free?

I work for a commercial contractor. We’re installing refrigeration cabinets into a local convenience store. I’m doing a site assessment and tell the store owner:

Me: “So, the subfloor is weak and needs to be strengthened in order to hold the weight of the refrigeration cabinets plus products.”

Store Owner: “But… what about the empty refrigeration cabinet? Will the floor support that?”

Me: “So yes, it will. But once you fill the cabinet, it will be heavier.”

Store Owner: “No, you are mistaken. The products will be placed on shelves.”

Me: “Yes, the shelves inside the cabinet. The weight still goes onto the legs of the cabinet.”

Store Owner: “No, the shelves take that weight. We don’t need any modification to the floor. You’re just trying to force me into paying for extra work.”

Me: “Sir, I can say with 100% certainty that the floor will not support the weight of the shelves when fully loaded with products.”

Store Owner: “But the shelves are not touching the floor!”

Me: “They’re not suspended in mid-air either!”

He kept pushing back, so I gave up and let him call the office to complain about my being obstructive.

In the end, the sales team had to tell him that he was right but that we had miscalculated the weight of the cabinet and the floor would have to be strengthened just to hold even the empty cabinets. No more objections.

I take digital art commissions as a side gig/hobby to help with my bills between paychecks. They’re nothing fancy, just simple and affordable things, no more than $75 each, and I only take a few at a time (the number of which I announce when I open up shop) so I don’t overwhelm myself. 

When I clear out my current backlog, I post the finished work on my social media and give myself a few days of downtime, so I don’t burn out. 

I had just finished a small batch of commissions and posted them, and apparently someone had caught on that I’d finished the current backlog because I received a DM a few hours later from someone we’ll call Wannabe Streamer.

Wannabe Streamer: “Heyyy, saw your page and I LOVE your art! Was wondering if I could order something?”

Me: “I just finished up with some orders, so I’ll be opening up shop in a few days, but I can reach out to you when I do!”

Wannabe Streamer: “Welllll, why don’t I just tell you what I wanna order now, and you can save me a spot?”

I’ve done this for friends sometimes (they place an order and pay me when they get their paychecks), but never for total strangers. But I figure it can’t hurt.

Me: “Okay, I’ll save it and get back to you once I open up shop again.”

Wannabe Streamer: “You’re the best!”

They proceed to send me a very, VERY complicated order based on a video game I don’t play, which I know is well out of my skill level. Even if it was something I could draw, it would be way more expensive than my usual orders.

Me: “I don’t feel like I’d be able to do this to a standard that you’d like, unfortunately. I’m sorry.”

Wannabe Streamer: “But you said you’d do it!”

Me: *Internally.* “No, I didn’t…”

Me: *Externally.* “I said I would get back to you. Unfortunately, you’re asking for something out of my skill level.”

After a bit of back-and-forth, [Wannabe Streamer] settled for something a little simpler that I felt more confident I could do. It was still going to be more complex than my norm, though, so I would need time to price it accordingly.

Me: “Normally I don’t charge more than about $75, but this is going to be a bigger job than usual. I’ll need to figure out a price and get back to you, okay?”

Wannabe Streamer: “Um… price? Can’t you just do this for me?”

Me: “…no? They’re commissions, not requests.”

Wannabe Streamer: “What if I give you a shoutout on [Streaming Website] for doing this for me? I have tons of followers! You’d get SO much more work!”

I immediately knew what I was dealing with and knew that any potential sales had just gone right down the drain.

Me: “Sorry, but I’m not doing this for free for a total stranger. I do this for money.”

Wannabe Streamer: “It’s not gonna be for free! Think of the number of people who’ll order from you! One stream and you’ll be SWIMMING in customers!”

Me: “And are you going to be paying upfront for these hypothetical customers?”

Wannabe Streamer: “Why would I be paying? I’m giving you free exposure!”

At the magical “e” word, I just gave up.

Me: “Exposure doesn’t pay the bills. Sorry, I can’t help you.”

I blocked them after that, but just out of curiosity, I decided to take a look at this streamer. Their follower count was in the double digits at best. No wonder they were so cheap.

Related:
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 14
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 13
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 12
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 11
Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer, Part 10