Our company sells solar panels and batteries. A couple pulls up and wanders in. The husband is full of questions.

Customer: “So the solar panels only make energy when there’s sun?”

Me: “Yes, that’s basically how they work.”

Customer: “So what do they do at night?”

Me: “Nothing. That’s why we sell batter—”

Customer: “—So you’ll give me a half-price discount.”

Me: “Why would we do that?”

Customer: “They’re not doing anything half the time, so I should only pay half!”

Me: “They’re already priced with that in mind. Their efficiency rating isn’t—”

Customer: “Why would I pay something when it’s not working!”

Me: “Are you paid hourly or do you get a salary?”

Customer: “Salary.”

Me: “So think of these as the same. They don’t work every hour, but the hours they do work make a worthwhile contribution.”

Customer: “You think you’re being smart, don’t ya?”

Customer’s Wife: “No, he’s being normal, you’re just being stupid. Next you’re gonna ask for a discount on mirrors because they only show the side you’re looking from!”

The wife takes over asking the questions, and I’m able to put a quote together for them.

My (now ex) boyfriend and I pull into a drive-thru to grab some lunch. He places my order at the speaker and then orders his own food.

Boyfriend: “Oh, I have a coupon for a dollar off the nachos, but I left it at home. Can I still use it?”

Employee: “No, sir, you need to have the coupon with you.”

Boyfriend: “Forget it then, just cancel it.”

He then peels out of the drive-thru. I can barely hear the employee through the speaker asking if he means just cancel the one item or the whole order as he races away.

Boyfriend: “That was stupid!”

Me: “Agreed. Why on earth would you ask to use a coupon you don’t have on you? You used to work in retail. You should know better.”

Boyfriend: “No, I meant he was stupid. He should have just given me the dollar off. What’s the big deal?”

Me: “Look, your house is only a mile away. Let’s just go grab the coupon and come back and get our food.”

Boyfriend: “I don’t actually have a coupon; I just said that to get a break on the price. I do it all the time. Normally they don’t care and just do it.”

And that is one of the (many) reasons he is now my ex!

Related:
The Couponator 54: Fanta Flour Power
The Couponator 53: Binder Of Fury
The Couponator 52: The District Doppelgänger
The Couponator 51: Dawn Of A New Stupider Age
The Couponator 50: Endgame

Some parents come into our store demanding the new sold-out toy of the season. The dad seems angrier than the mom.

Dad: “How can you have none in stock? It’s like the hottest toy right now!”

Me: “Sir, I believe you just answered your own question.”

Dad: “…what?!”

Mom: “Hun, run that sentence through your brain a few more times. It should circle back around on itself.”

Dad: “I don’t understand.”

Mom: “Like you clearly didn’t understand when I asked you to put in an order for [toy] six weeks ago?”

Dad: “I was busy!”

I backed away from that about-to-be-dumpster-fire of a conversation as quickly as I could.

Our family got home after driving in a blizzard that cut our family gathering weekend short by a day.

Mom: “Wow. The snow is really coming down outside.”

Dad: “It’s a good thing we left when we did. We might not have made it if we had waited a few more hours.”

Mom: *Looking at the weather app on her phone.* “Wow, these temperature drops are crazy.”

Dad: “Huh. If we’re indoors right now, why is the weather app still saying it’s cold?”

Mom: “Do you think before you speak, or is your inner monologue just elevator music?”

Dad glared at me when I snort-laughed, but he was distracted by my mom explaining that the app is from the weather service and not directly tied into our home heating system.

An older woman walks in with a laptop that, according to the receipt, she purchased only a few months ago.

Customer: “I need to return this. It doesn’t work.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t turn on anymore, no matter how many times I press the button.”

I push the power button a few times. Nothing happens.

Me: “Have you charged it?”

Customer: “My husband used to do all that.”

I pause for a moment. It’s not too uncommon, sadly, working with older folk in tech, that one of them relies on the other for all the techy stuff. When one of them sadly passes, it leaves behind a knowledge gap. In situations like this, I try to tread carefully and patiently.

I slowly explain how the laptop needs to be plugged into an outlet, like any other electronic device, and that while it can be used unplugged for a while, it will need to be charged occasionally or this situation will happen.

I spend about ten minutes going through this, plus a few other basic items, with her nodding and politely telling me she understands.

Then all of a sudden, her husband appears, wandering in from the TV section.

Customer’s Husband: “Has he told you that you got to plug it in yet?”

Customer: *Shouting at her husband.* “Yes, but unlike you, he didn’t do it like a total a**!”

Customer’s Husband: *To me.* “Sorry about all this. She didn’t believe me when I told her it had to be plugged in, and I said that when the battery died, I would be washing my hands of it. Thank you for doing today what I could not after fifty years of marriage.”

The couple left with their laptop, bickering lovingly all the way out.

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 46
Laptop Flop, Part 45
Laptop Flop, Part 44
Laptop Flop, Part 43
Laptop Flop, Part 42