The Giant Combination Lock: How to See Your Life as a Miracle

Most of us understand the danger of taking our blessings for granted. Yet simply knowing this rarely makes us grateful. Even in a life filled with good things, joy can remain strangely elusive.

So what can we do? Telling ourselves that we should be grateful is not especially helpful. Gratitude does not respond well to commands. There are simply no shoulds in gratitude.

Instead, we need to change how we understand the good things in our lives.

This article is the first in a new mini-series I’m calling Levers of Gratitude, in which we will explore mindset shifts that help us deepen our appreciation for life’s goodness. It is also the second article in my Grateful Stories series, where we approach gratitude through the lens of narrative.

The Giant Combination Lock

Think of something precious in your life as a giant combination lock.

A combination lock opens only when several numbers are entered in the exact order. One wrong number, and the lock remains closed.

Many of the best things in our lives work in a similar way. They exist because a long sequence of people, decisions, conversations, accidents, setbacks, and opportunities unfolded in a particular order.

Change one part of that sequence, and your life might look completely different. A friendship may have begun because you happened to attend an event you nearly skipped. A career may have emerged from a random conversation that lasted only a few minutes. A loving relationship may depend on two families making dozens of decisions across several generations.

What now feels ordinary may once have been astonishingly unlikely.

Try This Journaling Exercise

Choose one person, experience, opportunity, or circumstance in your current life that feels wonderful, precious, or meaningful.

In one sentence, describe this blessing.

Do not worry if you do not feel especially grateful for it right now.

Next, write down as many events as you can that contributed to this blessing becoming part of your life.

Think of these events as the numbers in your giant combination lock. Perhaps a random conversation changed the direction of your life. Maybe someone offered you encouragement at exactly the right moment. A disappointment may have redirected you toward an opportunity you would otherwise have missed. Your childhood, neighborhood, education, or family history may also have shaped what later became possible.

Use the following prompts to trace the story:

• Which past events had to happen for this blessing to occur, and which past events increased the likelihood that it would?

• Which seemingly minor choices or encounters helped set it in motion?

• Who contributed to the blessing, directly or indirectly?

• Did any disappointment or difficulty unexpectedly redirect you toward this blessing?

• How far back can you trace the chain of events that made this blessing possible? Did you experience something in your childhood that paved the way for this blessing to occur?

• Although the primary focus of this exercise is on past events in your life, you could also consider circumstances in your parents’ or even your grandparents’ lives. What happened in their lives that made this blessing possible?

• Did certain events need to occur in a particular order for your blessing to occur?

Once you have completed your list, pause and reflect on the following:

• Which past event or part of the sequence of events feels most surprising or improbable?

• Which past event almost didn’t happen?

• Without one of these events, how different might your life be today?

• Who are you grateful to for helping make this blessing possible?

• How does seeing the full sequence of events change the way you experience your blessing?

Then complete the sentence: Today, I feel grateful for...

My Own Combination Lock

I recently tried this exercise with my current job.

I have worked at the same university for almost twenty years. It is not a perfect place, and it has had its share of persistent challenges. There have been times when I have felt discouraged by circumstances connected to my work.

Still, on balance, it has been by far the best job I have ever had. I could not have asked for a more meaningful career. I have worked alongside wonderful colleagues and taught students who remind me that what I do matters.

I began listing the events that led to my being hired at the university in 2007. I thought about the people who supported my decision to pursue certain opportunities, the conversations that opened doors I could not have opened by myself, and the unusual opportunities that appeared at the right time.

Eventually, I identified at least twelve events that contributed to my getting the job. Had several of them unfolded differently, I probably would not have gotten my job at this university. For example, I got the job only because someone else turned it down.

As I traced the sequence, my job began to look different. It no longer seemed like something that had simply happened or something I was naturally entitled to possess. I saw it as the product of many people, choices, opportunities, and unlikely turns.

My heart filled with gratitude, not only for the job itself, but also for everyone who helped make it possible.

Why This Exercise Works

Here’s the problem that’s blocking your gratitude: the good things in your life become invisible when they feel inevitable. Once that happens, we begin to experience it as normal, permanent, or guaranteed.

But seeing your life’s goodness as a giant combination lock changes the status of your blessings. When you view something meaningful as the result of countless interdependent events, it becomes contingent. You recognize that it depended on prior circumstances and could easily have unfolded differently. The ordinary becomes extraordinary.

You may even begin to experience what we could call autobiographical awe: the feeling that your own life story is stranger, more fragile, and more beautiful than you had realized. You recognize that you’re part of something larger than any single moment or decision. Your life carries the fingerprints of countless people, including some you may never have met or even known about.

The next time something good in your life begins to feel ordinary, trace the combination of past events that led to it.

And what seems ordinary may actually be one of the quiet miracles of your life.

If this article resonated with you, you may also enjoy my Psychology Today blog Gratefully.