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Tuesday, August 25, 2026

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Sports

Football, Sports

Rest Of Fantasy League Losing Patience With Player Who Has Other Things Going On In His Life

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Expressing frustration over their friend’s increasingly disinterested behavior in recent years, participants in a local fantasy football league confirmed…

Baseball, Sports

Dad Suggests Beating Traffic By Leaving Game After First Inning
Sports

Every Commercial On ESPN Past Midnight Just Straight-Up Telling Viewers They Have Prostate Cancer
Sports

Boy Gets Nice Long Look At Small Of Father’s Back While He Picks Up Ping-Pong Ball
Sports

Dead Fantasy Football Commissioner’s Password Guessed Again

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Baseball, Sports

Little League World Series Game Turned Off Due To Neither Team Having Big Fat Kid

BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off…
Sports

Report: Tennis-Racket-Shaped Bag Gotta Be Full Of Tennis Rackets

ESTES PARK, CO—Noting the bag’s elongated oval shape, prominent Wilson logo, and the fact that its owner was walking directly toward a tennis court, a…
Basketball, Sports

‘Do You Have Any Idea Who I Am?’ Jalen Brunson Shouts At Librarian Refusing To Move Him Up ‘Lonesome Dove’ Waitlist

NEW YORK—Slamming both hands on the circulation desk after learning he was 17th in line for Larry McMurtry’s Pulitzer Prize–winning Western novel, Knicks star Jalen…
Baseball, Sports

Announcers Watch Angels-Royals Game In Total Silence
Baseball, Sports

No One Translated To Foreign Players Why They Currently In Cornfield
Basketball, Sports

Doughy Eastern European Man Tired Of Everyone Assuming He’s NBA Superstar

MCCOOK, IL—Complaining that he couldn’t even walk down the street without being mistaken for a world-class basketball player, doughy Eastern European immigrant Vukašin Petrović told…

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Baseball, Sports

Marlins Jumbotron Displays Message Saying Free Trial Of ABS System Has Ended
Baseball, Sports

Manager Calls Bullpen Just To Say Hi
Sports

Kendrick Perkins Puts On Sleep Apnea Mask Mid-Segment
Baseball, Sports

Max Muncy Asks Shohei Ohtani If They Have Max Muncy In Japan

LOS ANGELES—Clarifying that he was simply curious whether there was a comparable version of himself overseas, Los Angeles Dodgers third baseman Max Muncy reportedly asked…
Sports

Sex Talk Devolves Into Dad Rambling About Bo Jackson

NAPERVILLE, IL—Veering from the intended subject matter just seconds into their conversation, local father Andrew Parker’s effort to sit his son down for a sex…
Baseball, Sports

Man Came To Funeral Straight From Work

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Amazon Destroying Rare Books To Train AI
American Voices

Former Rep. Eric Swalwell Admits To ‘Physical Relations’ With Chinese Spy
American Voices

DOJ Develops Pathway To Restore Gun Rights To Felons

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The Latest

Football, Sports

Rest Of Fantasy League Losing Patience With Player Who Has Other Things Going On In His Life
News

Report: More Americans Abandoning Lengthy Conversations In Favor Of One Really Big Word
Entertainment

Raya Introduces New PR Relationship Mode
American Voices

Amazon Destroying Rare Books To Train AI

Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday

Virgo

(August 23 to September 22):

Fastball. High and inside. Give ’em a little chin music. And watch the runner on first.

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