Skip to content

The Onion newspaper

Become a Member. Get the Paper.

Sunday, August 23, 2026

81°

Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed

America’s Finest News Source

News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
The Onion Store

News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
The Onion Store

Sunday, August 23, 2026

81°

Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed

Become A Member

The Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Video
Search
Horoscopes
About Us
The Onion Store
- Instagram
- Twitter
- Facebook
- YouTube
- TikTok
- Bluesky
- Tumblr

Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
TikTok
Bluesky
Tumblr

Entertainment

Entertainment

Artist Profile: Phoebe Bridgers

Singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers has released Lost Weekend, her third studio album. Here’s everything you need to know about the artist.…

Entertainment

Eli Roth Admits Most Of ‘Ice Cream Man’ Not Made Using AI
Entertainment

What To Know About ‘One Night Only’
Entertainment

New ‘Ted Lasso’ Season Aims To Teach Viewers About Shapes, Colors
Entertainment

Power-Mad Marvel Claims ‘Night At The Roxbury’ Part Of MCU

Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy.

Join The Onion Today

Explore The Magazine

Magazine

The Nude, Shrieking, 12-Foot Man Only We Can See: Could He Be The Next James Bond?
Magazine

You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic
Magazine

Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50
Magazine

‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics
Magazine

‘It’s My Hand’: Muppets Puppeteer On How He Brings Kermit To Life
Magazine

The Top 100 Most Influential People, Locked In Our Oubliette. Not So Influential Now, Are You?
Magazine

Charlie Kirk, Not In His Own Words: We Honor The Right-Wing Activist By Making Up Quotes That Sound Much Better, Given The Moment
Magazine

Pedro Pascal: Ooooh Wanna Kiss Kiss Kiss! Mwah Mwah! Smoochie Smoochie!

Read More

Entertainment

Chicagoans Over 25 Urged To Shelter In Place Until Lollapalooza Over
Entertainment

Jared Leto Denies Sexual Assault Allegations Will Affect Career
Entertainment

Report: Artists Not Boycotting Grammys Down To Meghan Trainor, Susan Boyle, Sugar Ray

SANTA MONICA, CA—Stating that they were looking forward to another spectacular and soul-stirring awards ceremony in February, the Recording Academy confirmed Friday that the list…
Entertainment

What To Know About ‘Spider-Man: Brand New Day’

Spider-Man: Brand New Day opens in theaters this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the new film. Q: What’s the premise?…
Entertainment

Translator Of Original ‘Minions’ Epic Poem Slams ‘Sexless, Bloodless’ Film Adaptation

PHILADELPHIA—In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper’s Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic poem, blasted the latest film Thursday…
Entertainment

Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise Face Off Alone On ‘Celebrity Family Feud’

Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter.

"*" indicates required fields

Phone

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Subscribe For All the Latest Headlines*

*

By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use

Δ

Entertainment

Taylor Swift Sues Ella Langley For Bangs Infringement

NEW YORK—Arguing that the country artist’s hairstyle was damaging the value of her own well-established signature look, pop star Taylor Swift filed a lawsuit Wednesday…
Entertainment

Ryan Gosling Joins MCU To Take On Role Of Stan Lee Cameos

LOS ANGELES—In an announcement that led fans to praise the “perfect casting,” actor Ryan Gosling confirmed Tuesday that he was officially joining the Marvel Cinematic…
Entertainment

Brad Pitt Drops Last Name In Solidarity With Family

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to support his children as they attempted to distance themselves from their difficult upbringing, actor Brad Pitt announced on Monday that he…
Entertainment

Bestselling Beach Reads

The Onion selects the best books to take on vacation this year.
Entertainment

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Zendaya

With her roles in the current and upcoming blockbusters The Odyssey, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Dune: Part Three, Zendaya is having a banner year.…
Entertainment

Law Roach Asks Store Associate If She Has Tom Holland In Different Size

LOS ANGELES—Noting that the extra small available on the sales floor just wouldn’t work for his client, Zendaya’s stylist Law Roach reportedly asked a store…

1 2 3 … 401

1 … 401

Advertising

American Voices

American Voices

Luigi Mangione Pleads Guilty
American Voices

Mark Zuckerberg’s Yacht Fails To Respond To Maritime Distress Call
American Voices

ICE To Equip Officers With Electric Shock Gloves

Cartoons

Men Overly Bored
Inter-Not-So-Stellar
Conflict of Disinterest
Grave Concerns
Who’s Bad?

Join The Millions Of Others Who Entered In Their Credit Card Number.

Become An Onion Member Today

Advertising

Advertising

The Latest

American Voices

Luigi Mangione Pleads Guilty
Local

Pros And Cons Of Wearing Shorts In The Office
News

David Attenborough Admits To Exaggerating Wonder Of Seals
Cartoons

Men Overly Bored

Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday

Virgo

(August 23 to September 22):

Fastball. High and inside. Give ’em a little chin music. And watch the runner on first.

Read Your Horoscope

Subscribe for all the latest Headlines

"*" indicates required fields

Get All The Latest Headlines By Email, Once A Day*

*

By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use

Δ

Sections

The Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Video

Explore

Search
About Us
Become a Member
The Onion Store
Front Page Archive
Jobs

© 2026

The Onion

Print Membership Terms

Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
TikTok
Bluesky
Tumblr