My friend got sucked into what amounted to a multi-level marketing scheme after being misled about it by someone. In his defence, he realized what was happening and got out of it quickly, so he didn’t lose too much money. He’s open to jokes about it now.

Me: “You’ll be able to afford [thing he wanted] after that [MLM] take off. It offers exponential growth, you know!”

Friend: “Hey, don’t mock me. I was right about the exponential growth. I just didn’t realize the exponent was less than one.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: We know the math terminology isn’t technically correct, but we kept the original wording to preserve the joke.

I’m at one of those 24/7 restaurants in a big strip casino in Vegas. It is in the early hours of the morning. 

The staff and crew here are all very professional and provide world-class level service, but even they have their limits, as evidenced by my seeing the chef come out from the back, walking up to the table with a steaming bowl.

Chef: “Are you the customer who ordered the paella without rice?”

Customer: *Oblivious.* “That’s right!”

The chef places the bowl down on their table, hard.

Chef: “Well then, here’s your bowl of random bull-s***.”

I was holding back the laughter, partially at the interaction, but mostly because the customer seemed completely happy with their weird order, and as they started eating it, said to their late-night dining partner:

Customer: “Did you see that? The chef brought it out himself! We must be getting special treatment!”

I used to work in a smoke shop. We were cash only, but we had an ATM. A customer is about to pay and produces a credit card.

Me: *Pointing to the sign.* “Cash only, please.”

Customer: “I have cash in my account.”

Me: “You can use the ATM there to withdraw.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: *Pointing to the ATM.* “The ATM.”

Customer: “What’s an… ateeyem?”

Me: “A, T, M. It stands for an automatic teller machine.”

Customer: “What’s that got to do with me getting my smokes?”

Me: “You can use it to withdraw cash.”

The confused look on her face meant I had to explain the basic concept of an ATM to this grown woman.

Me: “It would be better if you had a debit card instead of a credit card.”

Customer: “A what?”

She didn’t know what a debit card was, so I had to explain that one, too. She opens her wallet and dumps a scary number of cards on to the counter.

Me: “That one looks like a debit card.”

Customer: “This one? I never used it before.”

She hands it to me.

Me: “Uh, you need to use that in the ATM.”

She walks over to the ATM and just stares at it. I explain how to put in her card.

Customer: “Now what?”

Me: “You put in your PIN.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You can’t remember your PIN?”

Customer: “What is a PIN?”

Me: “Your number you enter into the ATM to get your cash out.”

Customer: “What’s my number?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but are you being serious?”

Customer: “Are you being serious?! I just want my smokes!”

Me: “What you need is an education on how bank accounts work.”

Customer: “If you’re going to insist on customers using cash, then you should be trained on how to do all this…” *Points at the ATM.* “…computer stuff for them! Figure it out!”

She storms out. I Googled it. The first ATM was introduced in the US in 1969, so she’s had almost sixty years to figure it out.

Some friends and I are on vacation. We settle on an all-you-can-eat deal at a sushi place for dinner.

It wasn’t a buffet; they gave you a list, and you just checked off anything you wanted. We selected a bunch of items, and the server looked at the long list with a raised eyebrow.

Server: “We’ll start with half of the list. We can bring out the second half after you’ve finished the first to keep it all fresh.”

We were stuffed before we even finished the first “half”, so we said:

Me: *To the server.* “Don’t bother with the rest. We’re full.”

The server was ringing up the bill later and said:

Server: “You guys didn’t eat very much, so I’m just going to charge you for the items individually.”

We saved almost $20 from having him do it that way! He was an awesome server who really knew his stuff!

I’m working at a hotel on The Strip in Las Vegas around the year 2001. The place is crazy busy all the time, even for me, who works overnight. A guest comes down to the lobby, but I don’t see him straight away. I’m only made aware of him by security rushing over and offering him his jacket. 

Looking up, I realize the guest is as naked as the day he was born.

He sheepishly says he forgot his room key and locked himself outside. My manager (who has also rushed over to the sight) opens a cupboard and pulls out a hotel-branded robe to give to the guest.

Later, as I am finishing my shift, I catch the manager again in the staff room.

Me: “Hey, [Manager], why was there a robe in the filing cupboard?”

Manager: “For the, uh, severely underdressed guests who regularly visit the lobby.”

Me: “This is a regular thing?!”

A coworker walks in, also just finishing their shift. They work at a different desk near the parking lot entrance.

Coworker: “What are we talking about?”

Manager: “[My Name] had their first nakey-nakey.”

Coworker: “Oh, did he come up here as well? I thought we dealt with him downstairs at my desk.”

Manager: “Wait, you had one too?!”

Coworker: “Mine was locked out of room 2304. Big guy.”

Manager: “Ours was 3348. Smaller fella.”

They both look over to me.

Manager: “I hope that answers your question, [My Name].”

Coworker: “Vegas, baby!”