My younger brother was seven years old at the time, and I was stuck with him at the mall. We were at the music store, and I was looking at the cassette singles on the wall (circa 1989-1990-ish), and he was trying to show off how long he could hold his breath.

He kept tugging my arm in his show-off attempts, but I kept ignoring him, over and over again.

Finally, he collapsed INTO the wall of cassettes, knocking almost all of them off the wall.

So, he’s passed out on the floor, and I’m embarrassed because I’m twelve years old. So, I’m dragging his body out of the store while all the adults look at me like I’m a horrible person. I never asked if he was okay; I just verbally assailed him for being stupid as I was trying to revive him.

He was okay, as best as I could tell.

I work at a pizza place that’s part of a food court in a mall.

Customer: “Hi, I want one pepperoni pizza, please!”

Me: “Okay, that will be $16.”

The customer pays, and doesn’t say anything. I give them their change, give them a pager, and tell them:

Me: “Okay, it will be a few minutes.”

Customer: “Okay.”

They stand in front of me, just staring at me.

Me: “If you would like, you can take a seat over there, and I’ll page you when your pizza is ready.”

Customer: “I’m just waiting for a slice.”

Me: “Oh! You want a slice!? I thought you wanted a whole pizza!”

Customer: “Yeah, just a slice.”

Me: “You said you wanted one pizza. Why would you think a slice of pizza costs $16!?”

Customer: “Eh… I’m from New York.”

I once worked at a movie theater that was inside a large mall, right next to the food court. 

I was taking tickets at the time when a lady walked up with four kids in tow, carrying a large bag full of hamburgers she had just bought in the food court.

She handed me her tickets, and I told her:

Me: “You won’t be able to bring the bag full of burgers in.”

Mom: “Why?”

I pointed out the words on the ticket and all the signs posted around the lobby that clearly stated:

Signs: “No Outside Food or Drinks.”

Mom: “Oh, I thought that only applied to non-paying customers.”

A Black Lives Matter protest is happening near our mall, so the mall has decided to shut down as a precaution. This happens while I’m still at work, in the Macy’s, so we’re packing up when I get a call on the customer line:

Caller: “I want to be able to go shopping with family from out of town. Can’t you stop the protest and open up the mall?”

Me: “No ma’am, I work at Macy’s. I have no say in the decisions of the mall and can’t do anything about it.”

Caller: “What do you mean you can’t do anything about it? Don’t you work at the mall?!”

Me: “Yes, I do, but you realize you called a private store and the bra department? I sell bras. That’s all I do. If you’d like, I can get the mall’s office number so you can talk to them about it.”

Caller: “Ugh, no, it’s all useless, and you’re useless! I want you to do something about the BLMs!”

Me: “All I can help you with is the BCDs, and Double Ds.”

Caller: *Click.*

The restaurant I worked at is in a mall. A gentleman rushes in from the mall with a disgusted look on his face.

Customer: “Water! I need water!”

Since I’m standing close to a self-serve water station, I quickly pour a glass of water and run it over to him. He downs it in one.

Customer: “More! Oh my god! I can still taste it!”

I get him one more glass. This time, he gargles the water around in his mouth and spits it back into the glass.

Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

Customer: “The store next door has all these free samples of cheese! I had one, and it tasted terrible! Worst cheese I’ve ever tasted!”

Me: “The store next door?”

Customer: *Points.* “Yes! The cheese store!”

Me: “You mean the soap store?”