We have a manager who likes to think of himself as the team’s dad (his words). That means he often makes patronizing, condescending comments that he thinks are helpful, and regularly barges in on conversations to give unprompted advice. 

One morning, one of our coworkers arrives at work looking rather gloomy. I’m about to ask him what’s going on when our manager greets him with a:

Manager: “Come on, [Coworker], smile. It could be worse!”

[Coworker] turns to him with a scowl.

Coworker: “Worse?! She’s DEAD! How could it be worse?”

[Manager] turns paler than a ghost, stammers something, and disappears.

Me: “Oh h***, I’m sorry, [Coworker]. Who died?”

Coworker: *Suddenly perfectly calm.* “Oh, no one, I just got tired of his nonsense. No, I was just annoyed because I dropped my coffee on the way here.”

Our manager still makes the same kind of comments, but never to [Coworker]. I’m now trying to come up with a similar trick to get him off my back as well…

This was told to me by my sister, so the details of the conversation are paraphrased, not exact.

There’s currently a road closure near our house, as they’re digging up the road to install utilities for a new emergency services station. It’s not too much of a hassle to go around – just go up one road and down another – but there’s absolutely no way you could get through, as again, the road has been dug up.

As they’re walking the dog one evening, my dad and sister see someone get to the roundabout where the road is closed off (well in advance of the actual hole) and drive right past the sign and the road cones, onto the closed section. Dad gestures for the driver to roll down the window.

Dad: “The road’s closed; you can’t go that way.”

Driver: “I know, I can read!”

Dad was apparently thinking at this point that clearly she couldn’t, given she’d driven past a sign saying the road was closed, but anyhow…

Driver: “I live around here; I’ll turn off before I get to the hole in the road!”

There are no turn-offs before the hole, which is why the road was closed at that point.

At this point, the driver pulls away and heads down the closed road, where my dad and sister got to watch her stop at the concrete barriers placed in front of the hole, and then inevitably turn around and come back the other way.

I work at a local science centre. It’s a not-for-profit organisation, and a lot of tourists come in. We have a brand new exhibit space that costs extra to enter. It’s pretty cool in there, and it’s very popular with the tourists who come from all over the state to see it.

We get pretty slammed when it’s busy. We present shows in the exhibit space and run three sessions a day. We can only seat about forty to fifty people in there as a maximum, and the tickets can sell out pretty quickly. Some people get really cranky about the unavailability of tickets when they just expect to be able to walk in through the door five minutes before the session starts and get tickets even though people have been booking online and calling us up for days beforehand.

An older lady walks in with her family. The second session of the day is about to start, but it’s completely booked out.

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hello, my family and I would like tickets to the 1:00 pm exhibit session.”

Me: “Oh, I see. I’m afraid we have sold out all of our tickets for that session; however, I do have many tickets available for the 3:00 pm session!”

The customer stares at me blankly.

Customer: “Oh, really? That’s so disappointing. We’ve literally come all this way just to see the exhibit show. Can you just fit us in there?”

Me: “I’m afraid we only have enough room in there for a certain number of people, and we have sold all of our available tickets for that session. If you want to catch the 3:00 pm session, we still have lots of stuff to do around our centre while you wait.”

The customer looks annoyed and disappointed.

Customer: “So, there’s nothing you can do? You can’t fit us in? We came here just for this. I don’t understand why we can’t just join that session.”

She’s looking at me expectantly, clearly waiting for me to bend the rules for her.

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we do have a limit on the number of tickets that we sell because it is a small, dark space and we want all of our customers to be safe in there.”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it. We don’t want to wait that long. These tickets should have been available to us.”

They walked out the door, and I was left wondering where the f*** people get their entitlement from. They seriously act like they’re the only family coming to visit us, and they should be able to get whatever they want.

I worked at one of the smaller government departments for about three years before fully transitioning to female. After my driver’s license was updated, my manager told me to complete a form so that my employment record was updated.

There wasn’t a spot on the form to update your gender, so I completed the “Other” field and sent it off. A few days later, I got this phone call.

Me: “Good morning, [My Name] speaking.”

Employee: “Good morning. I’m [Employee] from Human Resources. I’ve got a form from you about updating your records and just needed to clarify some things with you. Is this a good time to speak?”

Me: “Yes, it’s my work-from-home day and I’ve no meetings. Go ahead.”

Employee: “Great. So, I can see that you’ve said you need to change your gender. I need to check if that’s correct, or if that was an error.”

Now, I was nervous and defensive.

Me: “No, that’s correct. My driver’s license was updated, and it needs to match my legal records, and—”

Employee: “Hey, it’s okay. That’s all fine, then. I just need to make sure it’s not a misunderstanding or if you really want us to do something else. It looks like you want us to change your record to female, yes?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I meant to do that. I’m sorry, I’m just used to…”

Employee: *Quieter* “Do you wanna push the button?”

Me: “…sorry?”

Employee: “I’m not meant to do this, but I can share my screen with your desktop, and you can move the mouse if I do that. We can both see your record — no one else’s. I’ve made the change, but I haven’t put it through yet. Do you want to push the confirm button and make it official?”

Me: “Do you usually offer this to people?”

Employee: “No, but I thought you might like to be able to say you officially changed and made the government change it all on your own.”

I pushed the button!

This story is part of our Highest-Voted-Inspirational-Stories-Of-2023-(so far!) roundup!

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My office tests its fire alarm systems every fortnight during office hours. I’ve never met our lead fire warden, but I love him.

Intercom: “Good afternoon. In five minutes, we will be conducting a test of the fire alarm evacuation system. As this is only a test, please stay in your seats. We are testing the alarm only today, so please stay where you are unless you have a headache and need to get a coffee right this minute.”

Intercom: “We are now testing the fire alarm evacuation system. At the first tone, you would pack up your belongings, secure sensitive materials, and prepare to evacuate.”

Intercom: “At the second tone, you would evacuate immediately. At the sound of this tone, you would evacuate to the assembly area and listen to the fire wardens for further instructions. Remember that upon reaching the assembly area, you need to locate your manager and inform them that you are there, or we will assume you are burning to death.”

Intercom: “At the sound of the third tone, it means that Santa Claus has entered the building. When you hear these jingling bells, you should hang your stocking over your cubicle and take a nap under your desk. We haven’t used this alarm yet, but I continue to hope!”