I work at a camping/hunting/fishing store. A customer walks in and heads directly to me, working as a cashier.
Customer: “Do you sell camouflage here?”
I turn around and look at the massive sign that reads “Camo” hanging from the ceiling. I look back to the customer.
Me: “Yup.”
The customer sees the sign.
Customer: “Oh! I didn’t see it!”
Overheard a coworker next to me:
Coworker: “Ma’am, your hard drive needs to be plugged in via the USB cable, and then we can start the transfer.”
Pause.
Coworker: “That depends, how big is your hard drive?”
Pause.
Coworker: “Six inches! That’s very impressive, but I meant the memory capacity…”
I’m a makeup artist, and I worked at a busy counter. A customer walked over with a darker-than-average shade of eyeshadow and asked, loudly and clearly:
Customer: “So, do I put this darker eyeshadow in my crack?”
The response was instant, and I shot snot out of my nose; I was laughing so hard.
Customer: “I mean my crease! My eye crease!”
Me: *Recovering.* “Yes, you put that in your crease.”
Customer: “Thank you. I promise I am not contouring my a** crack with a dark plum color.”
It’s a coworker’s first day working on the store floor after training. A couple is asking him about the coffee machines we’re selling. My coworker is doing really well so far, as the guy is asking lots of questions.
Coworker: “Maybe if you tell me what you’re hoping to get out of the machine, I can recommend an appropriate option.”
Customer: “I just want a machine that makes a quick and convenient morning espresso. This one looks cool!”
The customer points at a machine that’s one of the most expensive we sell.
Coworker: “That’s a great machine, and it’ll certainly handle your morning espresso, but it also has a lot of semi-professional functions, so it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.”
Customer: *Pops off fake leg.* “I’ll start paying in installments now!”
The poor new guy was so stunned I had to jump in and take over. The customer’s wife is rolling her eyes.
Customer’s Wife: “Sorry. He’s been waiting for years for someone to say that phrase.”
They eventually leave with a mid-range coffee machine, and my coworker has an amazing ‘first day at work’ story to tell for the rest of his life.
I used to work in a novelty ice bar. What is that? It’s a bar in the basement of a building where the temperature is kept below freezing, all the customers are given special warm coats to wear, and the drinks are served in glasses made out of ice.
It’s pretty cool, if a little complicated and overpriced, but the guests (mostly tourists) loved it.
In fact, one of them loved it so much, they said:
Customer: “This place is awesome! I want a souvenir!”
Me: “Want me to take some photos of you and your friends?”
Customer: “Actually, I was thinking… could I take this glass home?”
She holds up the cube of clear ice with a hole gouged into the top where we pour the drinks.
Me: “You know what, you can absolutely take it with you. If you want to take it home, that might be more challenging…”
She stared at me for a moment. A second later, her eyes went wide like the Joey meme as she finally got it. I laughed and said it could have been a ‘brain freeze’.
