Why I chose to enter a pageant at 40

At 40, I really thought I knew everything there was to know about myself.

It turns out, there is something glaringly obvious (and only to me). My confidence when speaking in public spaces has had an impact on how I view myself. Even now, as I write, I don’t think I can explain it without overthinking it. But I will try…

I’ve often viewed myself as a joker, an entertainer (that’s what my name ‘Zeisha’ is actually derived from the word ‘entertainer’). So when I’ve struggled to feel confident in my own words, I revert to “funny” Zeisha.

It’s a form of self-sabotage. Like an inside joke that only I find funny. But it’s actually really, really annoying. Because my life experiences have not always been humorous. It almost discounts what I want to truly say. I’ve sat in uncomfortable hui and felt like an imposter. I’ve felt that my worth was at an all-time low and yet, I’ve managed to get by either saying nothing, or by putting myself down to make others feel comfortable. Some may even call it ‘people-pleasing’.

And I know my friends will say, “oh but that’s just Zeisha” (wow, hilarious), but really, it’s my way of proving I’m okay… even when I’ve been let down.

Mind you, I am quite funny…
(No. Wait…there goes the ADHD in me).

“To love me is to know me.” That’s what I tell myself, and it’s also what my best friend Jodie once told me.

It made me stop and think… does anyone really know me?

Because I’m quite willing to hand out the humorous Zeisha on a plate - it’s easy to digest. But the vulnerable me… she has depth. She has walked through valleys. She has come out swinging.

And this is my core reason for joining Mrs New Zealand.

To stand firm in my story. To rise through it, rather than be defined by it. And to be vulnerable and willing to be just that, again and again.

I know my purpose is to empower others by using my experience to bring people together. Just like music - I perform, I write, and I sing to bring people together so they feel less alone. Because people make a bigger impact when they do it together.

Meeting the women involved in this pageant and hearing their stories has shown me that we are all valuable and that our strength is in vulnerability. Spaces where women can come together to learn, grow, and become better versions of themselves should be everywhere.

People hear “pageant” and think heels, glamour, and fashion. But it’s really about your heart. It’s about your uniqueness. It’s about what you can do to make a difference.

When I open up social media, the first videos I see are about an impending war. There is no hope in war, only despair. There is anxiety and uncertainty. It makes me think… what can we do, as just a group of women, to be a light in times like these? But as a group of women standing in our authenticity and sharing our stories of hope and perseverance, I know we are doing something.

Because even in sharing our truth, we create connection. And in connection, people feel seen. And when people feel seen, they feel less alone. Maybe we’re not meant to fix everything. Maybe we’re just meant to show up honestly, vulnerably, and together.

And for me, that means learning to trust my voice.

The one that carries my story.
The one that has walked the hard paths.
The one that is still learning, still growing, still showing up.

And maybe that’s what this journey is really about. Not becoming someone new…But finally allowing myself to be fully known.