Oh I love it when the world holds a mirror up to you and says - you’re onto something - keep going! It’s happening a lot at the moment and I’m loving it…
Last week I attended an event where several people had the opportunity to get on stage and share their story. It could be their professional wisdom, or a project, or an idea that needed some help - and everything in between. Standing there watching it all unfold, it felt like one big flag wave from the universe saying: Yes Wendy! Public speaking could indeed be far less of an ad hoc, precarious experience for speakers and audiences alike - if we just agreed en masse that most of us need some support and guidance to do it well and to feel confident whilst doing it.
Because this wasn’t a room full of timid school children being asked to recite a poem against their will. It was a room packed with budding and established founders, entrepreneurs and professionals. People with ideas, experience, and something vital to say. And those getting up on stage were, in the main, less established - so they needed to make their case well. They needed to connect and be remembered - and for the right reasons! They needed, frankly, to make the most of a room full of potential help, contacts, encouragement and customers.
And sure, it was a generous room. The whole vibe of the event was enthusiastic connection. People were there to support one other. Nobody was rubbing their hands together waiting to sneer at anyone who was nervous or who lost their thread. But even in a generous room, the difference in people’s ability to harness that onstage opportunity was impossible to miss.
And it struck me, once again, how unfairly arbitrary public speaking confidence is.
Because there was great power and opportunity at stake for those people getting up at the event. That’s what motivated many of the desperately nervous speakers to get up on that stage. They knew the power of having everyone’s attention in that room. Indeed, those of us who didn’t get on stage were able to make a handful of connections at best. These select individuals got everybody all at once.
And that’s the power of public speaking. It’s a platform that can supercharge success. Yet there’s a general assumption that being good at it is just some immutable random personal quality - like being naturally bendy or having good skin - rather than something that can be developed by everyone. So long as this assumption reigns, there’s a disparity between those who get to supercharge their careers, and those who don’t.
A great example of the lottery ticket of confident speaking was a fabulous woman I met who was excited by my mission to get more women speaking up in the workplace. She admitted to always feeling lucky because she’s always been confident speaking on stages, speaking up in meetings - wherever. She’s consequently recognises how her speaking ease supported her to set up and run several businesses over her 40-plus year career.
And there it is - that luck around being comfortable in the spotlight, and the role it plays. Of course, her success itself has not been due to luck, but shrewd decisions and hard work - and in some very masculine spaces. But she recognises the luck of being someone whose nervous system does not go into meltdown in the spotlight, and how that means a level of access that nervous others often simply do not enjoy. Including, access to influence - to connect with who matters. Access to visibility - to show what’s she’s made of. And access to rooms, conversations and decisions that helped establish her business.
She also said she knows many female lawyers who are supremely confident on the job - arguing in a very public and assertive way on behalf of clients high-pressure courtrooms. Yet once these women are back in the office, it’s a whole other story. They don’t advocate for themselves in the same way, she said. And this is such a perfect example of something I’ve come to learn about women and visibility. We often feel more confident when protected by our professional role - when we feel bolstered by our credibility. But speaking as ourselves, for ourselves? That can be a whole other matter.
And I know that one personally. I’m now very comfortable in my role as a presenter or a speaker or a broadcaster, but put me in a sharing circle, where it’s about me being ‘me’ and sharing from ‘Wendy with no armour’, and I still feel my nervous system kick up a gear.
Now obviously, It’s not just women who struggle with public speaking. One of the most nervous speakers at last week’s event was a young guy with an amazing story around setting up his independent café in London (and, incidentally, he won over the room by doing something I often suggest: he admitted his nerves and you could feel the room soften around him). However, there are well documented additional pressures that come into play for women when we speak up. Our authority is still heavily undermined, and we’re unconsciously judged more harshly by both men and women in ways that make public speaking feel more precarious and exposing.
Ultimately, the bigger point is this: we all need to get the support we need in whatever environment we’re working - to be able to speak in a way that aligns with our value and the insights and expertise we have to contribute. And to feel more prepared and confident when stepping into the spotlight when we do it, rather than pushing on through.
We all need to be part of the conversation, all of us, not just the people with the loudest and most confident voices. Because their ideas and suggestions aren’t necessarily the best, they’re just the ones that get platformed because those people aren’t hesitating. Those individuals aren’t second guessing and self-sabotaging their ideas into submission because they fear they’re not ‘perfect’.
So when we fail to support people with public speaking, we don’t just leave individuals to suffer alone. We lose ideas and expertise and valuable contributions. It all remains invisible - it all gets lost. It’s gold slipping through the cracks every single day.
Many women I’ve been speaking to say there is no public speaking support as standard at work. They’re expected to do presentations - because they have the expertise. But more expertise does not mean less anxiety - it needs and deserves tailored support. So if you feel this is a conversation and request you can initiate with your HR department or similar - I invite you to try. You should not be struggling alone.
I personally fantasise about a time when a generation comes through who can’t believe that we just left people to flounder alone with public speaking (I know, me and my sexy fantasies right?) They’re horrified by how we left so many to flail and struggle without the support so many need. A time when we finally view it as the mental health issue it actually is.
Because if 75% of us suffer from nerves when speaking, and 1 in 4 struggle with high level speaking anxiety - this fear is normal people! So it’s surely time for public speaking to stop feeling like being thrown to the lions. The options shouldn’t be limited to either feeling obliged to get in the ring and take our chances, or shrinking back with no chance of victory or reward. We can do better than that - and I know you can too.
If you’d like help with a public speaking challenge - whether that’s presentations, speaking up in meetings, a one-off non-work engagement (i.e. wedding speech) - whatever - why not get in touch and we can talk?
Click the link below and book in for a short call. I’d be happy to give you tips and advice with no pressure to sign up - and if we find we’re a good fit we can work out a bespoke package to support your public speaking needs.
It’s a double Steve Carell recommend fest this week. He’s doing the promotional rounds at the moment because of his new HBO Max series Rooster. Episodes drop every Friday - which feels so old-school - and it’s his first comedy TV series since The Office! I know! A big deal for those of us who love whatever Steve Carell does, but have a very soft spot for his comic charm. The show’s a treat, with some droll and clever humour - and a great turn of course form our main man. So I recommend that - and his appearance on my feel-good-fave podcast Good Hang with Amy Poehler where he’s funny and sincere and charming and shares how The Office US version was almost a flop - I know!?
I currently have one spot available for my 1:1 online Coaching. So if you’re been struggling to get on board 2026’s Fire Horse energy which is now in full swing, why not book in a FREE call and let’s chat through your next steps? I’m always happy to set you up with tips and guidance, whether we end up working together or not.
So there’s nothing to lose, no pressure, and everything to gain.
Because if you’re struggling to move the needle in your life and get what you really want, it might be time to seek help. It can be nigh on impossible to see what needs changing when we’re acting from skewed and outdated patterns of thinking and being. My clients reap immediate benefits. They’re able to streamline their lives in ways that just struggling alone cannot.
It’s the difference that makes the difference.
Because here’s the thing: so many of us get to a point in our lives - it can be midlife, it can be sooner - and find we’ve lost our way. Life events - a crisis, or a period of ongoing unease - make us realise that what previously worked to move the dial or overcome challenges no longer works.
So we panic! Surely we should have it all worked out ‘by now’ - right? We believe that “if I can’t sort myself out at this point of my life with all I’ve been through, then I’m a failure!” - but that’s not true. You just need a redirect.
Why struggling alone is not the answer.
We need a new roadmap when we hit midlife, or come to that point where just rearranging the pieces of our life will no longer cut it. And we can’t build that roadmap alone - because we need to create and curate a new identity that sets us up for building the life that’s truly ours. We need to embark on genuine transformation - and we need a guide to help us.
Now, I often speak to women who fear making big change - even when they know how deeply unhappy they are. Even whilst they are struggling and feeling overwhelmed. Why? Because they worry too much change will blow up their lives. Well the good news is: it doesn’t work like that. It’s not all or nothing, and you remain in charge. You change what you want to change, or what you understand you need to change. At a pace that suits you.
With 1:1 coaching with me, in just 3 months you’ll transform your current inability to take effective action and build the life you desire. All that self-doubt holding you back - all that painful comparison to others who you see breezing through their lives? That will be a thing of the past as you move into coherent, exciting and achievable action and realise your yearned for goals.
Working with me a in dedicated container of structured support is about saying YES to you and all that you want for your life. And all that you deserve. Working in our Power Partnership will give you the space you need to confidently make the lasting change you’ve been dreaming of for so long. Plus, I’ll provide the resources, feedback and guidance you desperately need to make the shifts that are currently proving impossible.
PLUS with my optional Keep the Change follow-on programme - you’ll have all the support and guidance you need to nurture the seeds you’ve planted into their fullest fruition in 6 months time.
So if you’re ready to move beyond feeling stuck and isolated, then just book in for a FREE coaching session with me now - and let’s get you writing and starring in your best story yet.
That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy
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