This week I was listening to a feature on BBC Radio 4 about hot cross buns. As you probably know, the traditional hot cross bun is a beautifully simple thing. Flour, yeast, spices, dried fruit - delicious. The recipe’s been around for centuries and, historically at least, eaten only on Good Friday. Of course, that’s not quite how things work anymore.
You can now buy hot cross buns in supermarkets months before Easter. And not just the traditional kind either. There are endless variations: lemon curd hot cross buns, red velvet hot cross buns, chocolate ones, salted caramel ones. I know this, because the BBC feature was exploring how this supercharging of traditional recipes reflects a broader trend in our food culture - the dessertification of all food.
Dessert flavours are everywhere. Coffees taste like puddings. Breakfast cereals taste like cakes. Foods that used to be savoury have become bizarrely sweet. As I continued to listen, my brow began to furrow, and I felt oddly irritated by it all.
Partly, I’ll admit, because the idea of a lemon curd hot cross bun sounds genuinely repulsive to me. And OK: I don’t have much of a sweet tooth at the best of times, but the more I listened, the more I realised my reaction wasn’t really about the buns - it was what the buns represent. How, in many ways, we’re trying to dessertify life too.
We’re constantly sold the idea that life should be smooth, easy, sweet. That there’s always some system, hack, mindset shift, or magic formula that will remove the bitterness. Marketing loves this promise. Entire industries are built on it. It’s not true - and most of us know this. But it’s a hugely damaging and powerful lie that keeps us trapped. And hey: who wouldn’t rather magically transform the bitterness of life with a sprinkle of magic fairy-sugar-dust…?
But life isn’t supposed to be endlessly sweet. It’s not even possible. The bitter and the sweet exist together. The rough sits alongside the smooth. And the illusion that we can somehow avoid the tough stuff can easily push us into a deeper funk - because we then ‘fail’ at being ‘sweetness and light’ in the way we feel we ‘should’ be (and believe more perfect others to be).
We all know that most growth comes via the uncomfortable messy stuff, but of course we still want to avoid it, or deny it when it arises.
And that’s where the dessertification of life really begins.
Because “sprinkling sugar on top” doesn’t always look like obvious avoidance. In fact, most of the time it’s much more subtle than that:
Sometimes it looks like blaming everyone else when things aren’t working out. Your boss or partner, the economy, the algorithm, the timing. And yes, external circumstances absolutely play a role in our lives - but when everything is always someone else’s fault, it can be a way of avoiding the harder question of what might need to change within ourselves.
Sometimes it looks like being permanently busy. Overdoing, overcommitting, filling every hour of the day so completely that there’s no quiet space left to think, reflect or ask the deeper questions. I hear “I just don’t have time” from people and my ears prick up. Often they genuinely are very busy - I’m not denying that - but when that phrase becomes a constant refrain, and nothing ever changes to create even a small amount of breathing room, it can be a sign that perhaps we don’t actually want that space. Because when life slows down, we have to face what’s going on underneath all that doing.
And sometimes dessertification looks exactly like it sounds: numbing out via excess.
For some people that might be drinking too much, scrolling endlessly, shopping, overeating, overworking - anything that takes the edge off uncomfortable feelings. This was the case for a client of mine. We started working together just before she began Dry January. Our regular sessions and her commitment to making positive change across her life meant she was able to honestly see how much better she’d felt without the weeknight glasses of wine. With my support and guidance, she was able to face and heal what the drinking was masking, and understand how it was doing the opposite of nourishing her. Ultimately, alcohol is sweetness (sugar) in another form - and like desserts it’s far better suited to being a treat than a crutch.
And that’s why the idea of dessertification feels like a bit of a societal warning sign.
Because yes - there’s a lot going on in the world right now. It can feel relentless. Another war, another cost-of-living crisis, another depressing headline that makes the future feel uncertain. It’s understandable that people want a little more sweetness when the background noise feels so bitter.
But trying to sugarcoat reality isn’t the answer.
In fact, one of the most empowering things we can do in uncertain times is bring our focus closer to home. Because while we can’t control what’s happening globally, we can take responsibility for how we engage with our own lives. And that’s how we can make our lives genuinely sweeter.
Just to be clear, I’m not saying treats are a bad thing. Hell no! Treats are the mini ‘yays’ of life. Take away my posh cheesy crisps and I’ll fight you to the death. But when hot cross buns appear on supermarket shelves for months at a time - when something that used to mark a specific day becomes endlessly available - we lose something important. The specialness disappears. Instead of being a lesser-spotted yummy little bun, it’s just another meaningless item for sale. It loses its ‘yay’ and becomes a bit ‘meh’ - hence the marketing folk getting to work with their OTT flavours.
By relentlessly pursuing constant sweetness, we’re constantly upping the ante, to make it - the bun, whatever - feel special, rather than allowing the ebb into the normal/boring/non-special of life to provide the more sustainable contrast.
Without that contrast, sweetness loses its meaning, and regular hot cross buns don’t stand out.
The same is true in life. The moments that feel joyful, fulfilling and expansive feel that way partly because they jockey for position alongside challenge, effort and growth. They are sweet because they are not constant. Which is why the more nourishing path isn’t trying to eliminate the bitter parts of life. It’s learning how to sit with them, understand them, and move through them. And in doing so, to build the resilience and self-trust that allows us to truly savour the good when it comes.
No dessertification required.
If you’re at a moment where things feel uncertain, stuck, or more bitter than sweet - whether that’s in your work, your relationships, or your sense of direction - those are often the moments where the most meaningful shifts can happen.
Supporting people through those seasons of change is exactly what my one-to-one coaching is about.
If you’d like to explore working together, click the button below and book a FREE introductory call.
Or just reply to this email with any questions - I always read every message.
Had to share this recommendation after finishing this treat of a novel this week. Manil Suri’s tale set in Bombay opens with the title character lying dying in a residential stairwell. If that sounds maudlin, I assure you, it’s not! In fact it sits very well with my theme this week of the bitter and the sweet.
The story interweaves Vishnu’s journey to the other side - via sensual memories of his youth and powerful Hindu mythology - with the stories of the various residents and their own relationship with Vishnu. As the drama unfurls we learn of tense religious differences very close to home, and forbidden love. It’s both darkly funny and deeply moving, with poetic prose that transported me to otherworldly experiences - both human and spiritual. It was longlisted for the Booker back in 2001, so I’m so grateful my wonderful reflexologist recently recommended it to me! I hope you too enjoy this perhaps somewhat forgotten gem.
Perhaps this week’s newsletter has got you thinking about what might be sweeter in your life? Perhaps you know deep down that it’s time to change things for the better, and doing it alone is not working.
I’ve got a couple of spots available now for one-to-one Coaching - so if you’re been thinking about getting the support that would make all the difference - and make your 2026 fly - why not get in touch?
If you’re struggling to move the needle in your life and get what you really want, it might be time to seek help. Because it can be nigh on impossible to see what needs changing when we’re acting from skewed and outdated patterns of thinking and being. My clients reap immediate benefits. They’re able to streamline their lives in ways that just struggling alone cannot.
So why not book a free call with me - and let’s talk?
There’s no obligation to move forward with coaching, but talking through where you’re at will enable you to share the load. In our short call you’ll get the clarity you need to make some powerful decisions about what’s next for you - and how you might get there.
Because here’s the thing: so many of us get to a point in our lives - it can be midlife, it can be sooner - and find we’ve lost our way. Life events - a crisis, or a period of ongoing unease - make us realise that what previously worked to move the dial or overcome challenges no longer works.
So we panic! Surely we should have it all worked out ‘by now’ - right? “If I can’t sort myself out at this point of my life with all I’ve been through, then I’m a failure!”
Why struggling alone is not the answer.
We need a new roadmap when we hit midlife, or come to that point where just rearranging the pieces of our life will no longer cut it. And we can’t build that roadmap alone - because we need to create and curate a new identity that sets us up for building the life that’s truly ours. We need to embark on genuine transformation - and we need a guide to help us.
Now, I often speak to women who fear making big change - even when they know how deeply unhappy they are. Even whilst they are struggling and feeling overwhelmed. Why? Because they worry too much change will blow up their lives. But it doesn’t work like that! It’s not all or nothing, and you remain in charge. You change what you want to change, or what you understand you need to change. At a pace that suits you.
With 1:1 coaching with me, in just 3 months you’ll transform your current inability to take effective action and build the life you desire. All that self-doubt holding you back - all that painful comparison to others who you see breezing through their lives? That will be a thing of the past as you move into coherent, exciting and achievable action and realise your yearned for goals.
Working with me a in dedicated container of structured support is about saying YES to you and all that you want for your life. And all that you deserve. Working in our Power Partnership will give you the space you need to confidently make the lasting change you’ve been dreaming of for so long. Plus, I’ll provide the resources, feedback and guidance you desperately need to make the shifts that are currently proving impossible.
PLUS in 6 months - when you take up my optional Keep the Change follow-on programme - you’ll have all the support and guidance you need to nurture the seeds you’ve planted into their fullest fruition by next Spring.
So if you’re ready to move beyond feeling stuck and isolated, then just book in for a FREE coaching session with me now - and let’s get you writing and starring in your best story yet.
That’s it for now - keep on reaching for your best self, and reaching out to those who might help you.
Because Drama belongs in the movies, not in your life.
Until next time,
Wendy
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