Understanding Relational Angle of Attack

The average person is far more likely to be relationally attacked by someone they are on intimate terms with than being physically attacked by that same person or physically attacked by a stranger.

Most of us do not even realize that we are being attacked by someone else, because attacks have long become routine in our lives, and we have become numb to it. Likewise, we have become numb to when we are attacking someone else.

Most people believe it is anger or frustration that causes people to attack each other, but in truth, those are simply emotions. Attack is caused by intensely negative thinking that turns to negative behavior in a split second. Making the decision in your life to change that; to change the way you think and behave, and learn how to respond to others instead of reacting is the first step in achieving greater security, serenity, and satisfaction in your relationships.

It is important to become sensitized to different kinds of attacks (or ‘angles of attack’) so that you can deal with them effectively. Do not just attend to how others attack, attend to how you attack as well (then discipline yourself to stop it). Below is a listing of some basic kinds of attacks:

Cognitive: Attacking the way someone thinks, for example, being attacked for one’s political thinking or belief system. (“Libtard”).

Appearance: Attacks on any of a variety of physical attributes of the victim, either real or fabricated. (“Ugly, fat”).

Intelligence: Being attacked on one’s intelligence. (“Dumb, stupid”).

Character: Attacking the other person’s personality or behavior traits. (“Loser, liar”).

History: Using issues of the past to attack someone, despite those things being of no current consequence. (“Remember when you…?”)

Guilt: A manipulative attack creating false guilt or worse yet, artificial shame to gain an advantage. (“This going to kill your mother…”).

Pressure: Often relentless in attack, the use of constant psychological and emotional pushing another to do what the attacker wants, to the point where the victim ‘gives in’ just to find some peace. (“False Confession”).

Lies: Intentional exaggeration, outright mistruths, or omission of important facts and truths. (“It wasn’t me!”)

Gas-lighting: Pre-planned attack of playing ‘mind games’ with another person to gain an advantage, often trying to make the person appear foolish, stupid, or crazy. (“I never said that, you are imagining things!”).

Morale: Intentional belittling, discouraging, criticizing, ‘tearing down’ the other either to gain advantage, or to punish the other person; often done publicly. (“You are not good enough…”).

Emotional Triggering: Calculated attack of poking someone on an issue that is pretty much guaranteed to put them into an emotionally reactive state, in order to punish them or manipulate them, perhaps to distract them from what the perpetrator is guilty of. (“If you leave me, nobody is going to want you…”).

Emotional Puppeteering: This is an attack that seeks to repeatedly ‘lift’ (positively) and the ‘drop’ (negatively) the victim, putting them on an intense emotional and relational roller-coaster. This gives manipulative advantage and power to the attacker. (“I’m so sorry, I will never do it again…”)

Back-Stabbing: This is a ‘set-up’ attack in that the attacker is disloyal in some way to the victim, sabotaging the victim, or ‘throwing under the bus’. (“He was bound to fail, because he’s an idiot.”)

Sympathy: This is a ‘false flag’ attack, making it seem as if the attacker is being kind or helpful, all the while they are setting up the victim to take a fall, or the use of sympathy is condescending. (“I feel so bad, I just want to help you…”).

Self Esteem: Direct, harsh criticism, teasing, or brutal attacks designed and intended to press the victim to have strong negative emotions about themselves.

(“You are a piece of crap.”)

Privacy: This attack consists of repeated and egregious violations of the victim’s privacy. (“I know what you are thinking, and you are just wrong.”)

Personhood: This is a particularly deep attack entailing implied or direct questioning about the victim’s worthiness as a human being, or if they are in fact, a human being at all; usually includes a great deal of brutal dehumanizing abuses. (“Just ignore him, he’s not worth even looking at.”)