Relational Aikido Outcome Examples

Common Ground: This outcome consists in reaching a point where both you and your partner are “in the same boat‟. It can be emotionally (having the same or similar feeling), intellectually (having a similar opinion or view), creatively (having a similar desire or need to create), etc., but the essence of it is to focus on similarities. This approach is greatly facilitated by the use of words such as “we‟, “us‟, “together‟, “our‟, “mutually‟ and so on, which can also be suggested early on during the Irimi stage.

“You know, I think we are both frustrated by this problem…”

“I think I can relate to how you’re are thinking/feeling…”

“We are two peas in a pod…”

Helpline: This outcome consists in changing the dynamic to one where your partner becomes a facilitator. In response to an attack you are asking your partner what they would do to change the situation for the better. Using expressions like “What do you propose?” or “How would you suggest I go about that?” you create a solution-oriented dynamic rather than a problem oriented one. High-road Take This approach is both a means and an outcome. When used as an Irimi it creates a destabilization by preferring to interpret an attack as a constructive or well-intended remark. When used in Ai-ki it enables your partner to save face if their remark was exaggerated or unintentional.

“You know, I’m so glad you brought this up, do you have an ideas I could use to solve it?”

“Can you help me with this?”

Indirect Humor: This outcome is probably the one that illustrates Ai-ki best: laughter. If you can laugh with your partner, you are enjoined in a positive energy. As with all Ai-ki, timing is an essential part of this approach, but it is also important to avoid certain types of humor that are prone to being taken “badly‟, such as sarcasm, irony and mockery. The safest forms of Indirect Humor are situational (describing the absurdity of the scene) and self-deprecating (making one’s self the point of focus for the humor).

“Oh man, I’m glad my head is attached, or I’d forget to take that with me, too!”

Invisible Onlooker: This approach can be considered to be a form of Common Ground or Dynamic Bump that can reach Ai-ki by taking perspective on the conflictual situation; bringing to the attention of your partner how what’s happening might be seen by a third party. Any call to observe the event taking place such as “Look at us now...” or “I wonder if the neighbors are listening...” can bring about the perspective aimed for, but it is also an effective means to reach Ai-ki through Indirect Humor:

“What a sight we must be, like two characters in a martial arts film facing off!”

“I wonder what my grandpa would say if he could see me right now…”

Magician’s Force: offering alternatives that are all positive.

Positive Lift: This outcome aims at creating a positive direction by using previously mentioned negative words and proposing their opposite as a direction. If the word “disappointed‟ has been used in the exchange, aim at placing the word “satisfied‟ when proposing a direction. It can be considered to be an Ai-ki version of the Reverse Irimi technique.

“It has been a good thing that we could work this out; you have been very helpful.”

“I’m so glad you are satisfied with this solution/plan.!”

Smile/handshake: This must be genuine. “Thank you for your help on this.”

“I’m so happy we could solve this problem together, what a team!”