Recognizing Impending Physical Assault

Each year, many thousands of individuals get into a relational altercation that becomes violent and even deadly. Interactions with difficult people can be deceptive in their progression, especially if there have been many altercations in the past that have slowly become more and more aggressive. The slow build up can create a kind of numbness to the verbal-relational attack and feel safer than it really is. Situational awareness is key to staying as safe as possible when another person becomes relationally aggressive with you. Paying attention to the often subtle, and sometimes not so subtle signs of impending physical assault could be life-saving.

History of violence: this should be the most obvious marker; people with a history of violent acts are not likely to cease being violent in conflicted relationship situations.

Skin flush: when a person becomes angry and agitated, there is often an skin flush in the cheeks, forehead, neck, and chest area.

Escalating vocalizations: angry people often do not feel understood, and so begin to raise their voice (apparently thinking that by speaking louder, they will be understood or complied with).

Loud relational attacks, accusations, criticisms: this is common especially in personal relationships like romantic or married relationships. The verbal-relational assault is often repetitive and relentless, accompanied with the aggressor following the victim around.

Eye darting: anger and fear response in humans tends to create a hyper-awareness of surroundings, including lots of pupil dilation and looking around, side to side. This is a self-preservation behavior, so the person can better anticipate which direction the danger, (or prey) is coming or going from.

Physical posturing: aggressive people in relational altercations will take stances that will clearly be aggressive, waving hands, pointing fingers, shaking fists, or standing with one foot forward, chest out.

Throwing things: a classic behavior, angry and assaultive people tend to grab anything nearby and throw it. Or, they may begin to kick or toss over inanimate objects, or punch walls, windows, etc.

Pacing: agitated people have a rush of both adrenaline and cortisol, which causes the entire boy to experience a sudden rise of intense energy. The individual may try to dissipate this energy by pacing while continuing the verbal-relational assault.

Incremental closing of physical proximity: a physical posturing, the aggressor may begin to “close the gap” between themselves at the victim.

Staring/stalking: some agitated people will, as stated earlier, follow the victim around if the victim tries to get some distance. The other sign is intense staring at the victim by the aggressor, sometimes described as “snake, or wolf eyes”.

Physically isolating target: this is an important sign of possible harm. The aggressor begins to “herd” the victim to an area that makes it easier for them to first be less observed by others, and secondarily, to form a physical trap to contain the victim for the physical assault.

Intoxication: an intoxicated aggressor is always a higher risk individual for physical assault.

Insults/put-downs: an escalation of insults and put-downs, along with closing physical proximity is a real red light for assault.

Constricted speech: some aggressors, instead of shouting or yelling their attack, lower their voice into a constricted, demanding tone. Don’t’ be fooled just because they are not yelling

Threats: all direct threats need to be taken seriously. If someone says that they are about to physically assault you, believe them and get away from their presence to somewhere safer.

Arguing/harsh start-up: some aggressors have had a bunch of stuff “brewing” in their head for a while, and right from the get-go, open with a series of attacks.

Blaming/shaming: consistent blaming and shaming of a victim can be a sign that they are dealing with a very disordered and dangerous person. Dangerous people often refuse to accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong, and become aggressive with others when they don’t get their way.