The three things Tara protected through every transformation

I keep coming back to one question:

How do people stay centered? How do people find moments of joy and stay grounded?

And last week, I sat down with Tara, my friend from university days to ask her this question. Tara is one of the most disciplined and meticulous people I know. In the last 10 years, she finished her bachelor’s degree from a top school in India, topped the law exam, changed jobs, pursued hobbies and side hustles. Through all of it, she woke at 5am. She watched Netflix every night. And She did yoga.

I asked her: while everything was changing, what stayed constant? What are the lessons that she has learnt from it all?

For Tara, mornings bring peace.

“I love waking up early, like 5am, when the world is dead,” she says. “I think it’s biological or something.”

It is her natural circadian rhythm, the way her body just wants to work. She didn’t know how much this mattered until an internship forced her onto night shifts. “I was distressed every single day for the whole month because I hated it. I didn’t know how much I hated nighttime until that internship.”

What’s she actually doing at 5am? “Nobody is up. I can prepare.” Not prepare for meetings or emails. But just exist in solitude before the world makes demands. Do yoga. Lift dumbbells.

“Netflix can make me do anything. It’s how I refuel.”

Most people think about discipline when building habits. Tara thinks about rewards. “People don’t realize the importance of reward,” she says.

Netflix isn’t mindless scrolling at the end of a hard day. It’s intentional. Her whole day is built around it: wake up early, exercise, work, then Netflix. It’s not something she earns by being productive enough. It’s what makes her want to do everything else.

Every morning before breakfast: yoga, then dumbbells. Yoga gives her peace. Dumbbells make her feel powerful. She needs both. “Yoga brings calm, it’s stretchy and nice….and dumbbells make me feel strong.”

And it’s non-negotiable. Exercise happens in the morning, before breakfast, before anything else can take its place.

“For the longest time, I thought it was external things, getting the right job, hitting the right milestones. But now I’m realizing it’s not about what you’re doing or what your grades are. It’s the type of person you are. Your personality, that’s what actually takes you ahead in life.”

Freedom and Independence. It’s her biggest core value.

Tara wants to make her own decisions, create her own rules.

“I don’t want others telling me what I should believe, what I shouldn’t believe, even if what they’re saying is right. Even if they’re saying helpful things like ‘don’t get so angry all the time.’ I don’t want other people telling me the rules of my life. I want to make my own rules. I don’t want other people restricting me.”

It’s not the rules that bother her. It’s that she can’t discuss them. In spiritual institutions, at workplaces with rigid hierarchies, there’s no room for dialogue. If for instance, a boss says you need to come to the office, and that’s it. You can’t question it. You can’t have a conversation about whether it actually makes sense. It’s just “this is how it is.”

That’s what she can’t accept. The lack of voice.

She’s fine with rules if they come from discussion, if two people talk it through and agree. But when someone else decides for her just because they’re in a position of power, That’s when control is lost.

And here’s the thing: maybe today they make a good decision for her. But tomorrow they might make a bad one, and she’ll have to live with it anyway.

So she left. The institutions. The rigid hierarchies. What stayed were the practices she chose for herself.

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