Peeing with a baby strapped to my chest

Another week of stream of consciousness word spillage while I navigate the newborn days. A big, big shout out to my besties who told me they read the first one. I see you! I heard you! Lylas. This week I added a new section at the bottom with what’s keeping me occupied during my late night/early morning stalk sessions.

8/3 5:15pm

White knuckled half the day through 3 hours of sleep, shitty coffe, semi solo parenting, and emergency flood warnings blowing up my phone while I drove my most precious cargo (kids+Raney) north on the Parkway. If you’ve never driven with the background noise of a newborn crying and your toddler demanding their flavor of the week Disney song while it’s torrential down pouring I have one suggestion for you - don’t.

Otherwise, the day was fine. I’m tan again, so life feels less annoying.

8/4 3:22am

Idk how but my dude slept from 10 almost 3!! It’s a miracle. The night before he was up literally every hour for some tiddie, so this feels like a vacation. Didn’t wake up with my boobs engorged though which makes me think my supply is dropping so I’m frantically googling ways to increase my milk flow, maybe drinking some water would help.

3:25pm

In the waiting room at my OBGYN for my 6 week post partum visit and my mind is absolutely blown that I’m here already. I mean technically it’s only really been 5 weeks and something days but still, how has it been over a month since my body went through one of the most traumatic, horrifying, magnificent experiences it’s ever been though and I’m feeling some type of way. I cannottttt wait to get back to the gym and feel like I am getting a bit of myself back but I’m also feeling a sense of grief that the “newborn stage” is coming closer to the end than the beginning cue DJo End of Beginning.

8/5 3:18am

4am doesn’t scare me, 3am on the other hand makes me feel hopeless and sleep deprived. 4am is closer to 5am which is a normal time to wake up but 3am is right next to 2am which is pretty much the middle of the night which leaves a lot of room for more wake ups. Also I am cleared to workout, swim, have s3x, do whatever I want to hallelujah but also I’m tired.

8/6 12:27pm

Scrolling through Cardiologists while little dude is asleep on my chest. I’m kind of in disbelief that I have to find a cardiologist at 38 years old but also, I’m 38 years old. Not a spring chicken but not an old maid and it’s the health history cards I’ve been dealt I guess. Besides that dinner is in the crockpot, the house is semi quiet, and I actually drank water today so that’s a win.

8/7 10:05am

I texted Alex yesterday and told him the mornings don’t feel as chaotic. Today, my favorite pair of earrings broke and I cannot explain the devastation I feel. I’m currently hiding in the bathroom with Luca strapped to my chest, the dog trying to break in, and Stevie finally playing by herself for a minute because mom needs a god damn minute.

8:01pm

Finishing the last season of Euphoria during little guys nap before his big feed before bed. I know everyone talked about how bad it was but I thoroughly enjoy seeing karma come back to Nate Jacobs and maybe it’s only because I have a big big crush on Jacob Elordi but not that big.

One of my best friends came to visit today and it was the serotonin boost my brain and heart and soul needed. I think one thing that’s not talked about enough in motherhood is how incredible it is seeing your soul people with your own kids. Like, you experiencing someone who I have known for most of my life embrace my child’s needs and wants and weirdness is really hard to put into words in the best way. I feel truly bLeSsEd that I have friends that will embrace my kids without a second guess.

8/7 4:46am

I can’t stop watching cooking videos when I should really try and get more sleep.

11:12am

If you’re from Jersey you’re probably familiar with the jigsaw puzzle strategy of trying to get down the shore with a minimal amount of traffic.Add two kids into the mix and it’s what I expect a Harvard level entry exam equation looks like. Masochistic? Maybe, but who doesn’t love a beach nap?

1:03pm

Getting in the car with 2 kids a hyper dog and 1683 things is no easy feat but we god damn did it. Before that though, I had a Menty B quick cry in the kitchen bc I was overwhelmed then Stevie told me I was the best mommy so I cried even more. Now I’m counting down the months until I get to take an outdoor shower accompanied by a twisted tea.

Jessica Knolls new book. Sonsie skincare in my cart. The original fituencer. can’t decide if this is satire or a real ass cult. This piece about Earth losing gravity in a few days. drooling over all this.