Carrying the mental load with my husband

Every night my husband shuts down the house.

He turns the lights off, locks the door, starts the dishwasher, secures the house and our safety..

It's only when he's not here that I see what he does, that I realise what his mental load for the family is.

It looks different from mine and mine looks different from his.

I turn the fish tank light on in the morning and he turns it off at night.

I wash his clothes and he goes to work in them for us.

I choose the paint colours for the walls and he fixes the broken window.

I drive the kids to school and he washes the car.

I clean the house and he scrubs the toilets.

I pick the birthday presents and he saves money for our next holiday.

I handle school emails and he manages the bills.

He gives, I take

He takes, I give

Last night my husband came home from work with a migraine.

He sat on the sofa and couldn't do anything.

I cooked the tea, showered the kids, cleaned the kitchen, put the smalls to bed..

He couldn't move..

I even locked the doors.

There are days when I'm so stretched and touched out from four humans needing me every second of every day that he comes home from work and sends me for a bath while he does everything.

My husband has a saying

“Sometimes I'm 80 and your 20 and sometimes I'm 20 and your 80”

No two days are the same, sometimes he does the bare minimum and inputs only 20% of the mental and physical labour. Sometimes I can barely even manage 20.

We, as parents, as people, are not trying to be the same.

He works full time and I'm a stay at home mother.

He doesn’t do the food shop and I never call the garage when the car brakes.

He wouldn’t know when to buy new socks for everyone and I have no idea when the boiler needs servicing.

He goes to scouts and I go to parents evening.

We will never be 50/50. We don’t try to be, we are not business partners. We choose to share a life, we want to care for each other. We help out more when the chips are down knowing it will be reciprocated in return. We have our strengths and our weaknesses, some days we carry more than others. Our mental loads for the family may look different from each other, but, we both choose to fight for our family and for each other every day.

For always.