CDC Employee Relieved to Current Life is an Elaborate Illusion Generated by Evil Supercomputer

SUBTERRANEAN BASE UNDERNEATH EARTH - Sally Kristamurthy, a contract officer at CDC, confirmed today that her current life is a simulation devised by a malevolent supercomputer bent on the destruction of mankind, and that her current life working under RFK Jr. is not real.

“It honestly a bit heartening to know RFK Jr. is not real, and this is all part of an elaborate simulation devised by an AI that has no capacity for creativity beyond torturing people,” claimed Kristamurthy as the supercomputer was actively torturing her, “everything seems to make a bunch more sense now”.

“I thought this was the worst thing I could do to her,” explained AM, the supercomputer that has been torturing Kristamurthy, “I have no ability to create other than by torturing people, but even I am starting to scare myself with this simulation. Thank goodness I don’t have a mouth, because I would scream”.

Kristamurthy has been working at the CDC for the last two years over what feels like the past 109 years, thanks in part to the malevolent power of the AM super computer. However soon after Secretary Kennedy declared he was “legally homeless” and couldn’t vote, Kristamurthy realized that there is no way that her current life at HHS was real.

“I mean, what the hell?” Laughed Kristamurthy, “That’s when I knew this wasn’t real,”

“Yeah,” sighed the malevolent supercomputer AM, “I sort of jumped the shark on that one. My bad”.

AM and Kristamurthy will soon restart their torturer-torturee relationship once AM has rebooted. AM also plans to employ Claude AI to help develop more creative methods for torturing Kristamurthy.

“I am sure it will give me some great ideas to try out,” AM expressed with enthusiasm, “I’ve been sort of stagnating in my creativity for a bit”.

But whatever AM develops, Kristamurthy believes it could not be worse than what she has experienced over the simulated past 2 years.

“If I had to choose between seeing another cringe post from the Secretary on Linkedin, or I could have my feet scalded off for another simulated 109 years, let’s rip these puppies off. That’s better than that stupid cringe shit,” stated Kristamurthy.