Getting Ready Starts in the Group Chat

“What are you wearing?” is a question I ask people often. Not because I lack personal style or confidence. Sometimes it’s not even because I need help deciding what to wear. It’s because getting ready isn’t always a solitary experience.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “fashion is self-expression” multiple times. And while I agree that the way we dress always communicates something about who we are, fashion is also deeply social. After all, we’re social beings.

Through our clothes, we signal an understanding of the people and environments around us. That’s why you might dress more comfortably when you go to the movies, wear something more conservative to the office, or choose to wear a fun piece on a night out. Even a visit to a friend’s house comes with an unspoken dress code. What we wear always changes with context because fashion is more than self-expression—it’s also about belonging.

You might’ve noticed that when you’re getting ready for a group outing, one of your first instincts is to ask yourself: “what should I wear?” And often, that thought is followed by a group text of someone asking “what are you guys wearing?” or even “what are we wearing?”

We don’t ask this question because we want to copy someone else’s outfit or because we lack originality. We ask it because we want to understand the social context we’re walking into.

When I ask someone what they’re wearing, I’m usually just looking for a bit of guidance, a few clues as to what the occasion calls for and what everyone expects the overall vibe to be. Sometimes, it’s not even about the event itself, but how the people attending are interpreting it.

Have you ever seen those TikToks where a group of friends shows up dressed completely differently, even though they already agreed on the dress code? Clearly, it’s up to interpretation.

And that’s kind of the point. Belonging doesn’t require “dressing like everyone else.” You can acknowledge the context you’re in while still expressing your individuality. Fashion allows us to find a balance between shared expectations and personal style.

I remember asking this question throughout my life. Even though I had to wear a uniform from elementary school to high school, whenever there was a party or outing, I always wondered what everyone else was wearing. And when I didn’t want to be the one to ask the group chat, someone else always did. Looking back, I think it was just part of a curiosity I’ve always had.

Even though my life has drastically changed since my days as a student, I still find myself asking “what are you wearing?” all the time outside of work. Part of it, of course, is that I love fashion and enjoy planning outfits in advance, even for something as simple as a casual get together.

As a kid, I wanted to experiment with my style and wear clothes that felt uniquely mine, but I also wanted to feel like I belonged and dress in a way that made sense in the context I was in. After all, nobody likes to feel out of place or regret their outfit choice. So we ask in advance. Not because we want to blend in, but because we want to show up feeling comfortable, confident, and connected to the people around us.

I guess the desire to feel in tune with the world around us is human nature. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We already adapt our behavior depending on the situation, like acting differently at work than we do around friends. Fashion is just one of the most visual ways we do that.

And sometimes, asking “what are you wearing?” isn’t just about belonging either. It can be a sign of anticipation or excitement that manifests itself as anxiety. I feel this all the time, because planning an outfit becomes part of the excitement of seeing certain people or going somewhere special.

There’s also something fun about asking this, almost like a ritual I look forward to. It’s a question I’ve asked my friends and my mom countless times. Sometimes we exchange outfit photos, or help each other figure out what pieces look good together. We decide on the overall vibe before we even begin planning our outfits. Asking that question is also a way of indirectly saying we care about seeing each other, about connecting. There’s something really special about that.

There’s also another layer to this question that I’ve noticed, one that feels increasingly present in the digital age we’re in. For many people, getting ready to go somewhere is no longer only about showing up in that physical space. It’s also about how that moment will be perceived online, by people who aren’t even part of those plans. There’s now a difference between dressing to participate in an experience and dressing to document it.

And in an age where we feel the need to document everything, choosing an outfit can feel like more pressure than it needs to. We’re not just thinking about the people we’ll see in person, but also about the version of ourselves that might be preserved in an Instagram story or in someone’s camera roll.

I think that’s why I never stopped asking people “What are you wearing?” because it’s my way of making sense of the environments I’m in while still expressing my individuality. Fashion will always be self-expression, but it’s also about participating in our own lives. And maybe that simple question is really just another way of saying that we care about showing up, sharing experiences with other people, and making the most of the moments we spend together.

Do you regularly ask your friends what they’re wearing before planning an outfit?

Thanks for reading!

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