I think one of the cruelest lies we tell ourselves is that we're hard to love.
We apologize for crying too much, for needing reassurance, for asking questions, for wanting consistency, for wanting someone who remembers the little things.
We shrink ourselves until we become convenient, hoping convenience will finally be mistaken for compatibility.
And then someone leaves, or disappoints us, or simply doesn't try, and we arrive at the same conclusion.
"Maybe I expect too much."
"Maybe I'm too emotional."
"Maybe I need too much reassurance."
"Maybe I'm just hard to love."
It's a devastating thing to watch happen to yourself.
You become smaller. You ask for less. You stop bringing up things that bother you because you don't want to be "dramatic." You pretend you're okay because you're tired of hearing you're "too sensitive." You laugh things off that quietly break your heart.
But what if none of that is true?
What if they just loved lazily?
Lazy love isn't always obvious. It could be forgotten anniversaries or unanswered texts. But it could also be more than that.
Sometimes it's someone who wants the intimacy without the effort. Someone who wants to be understood but never takes the time to understand you. Someone who memorizes your body but never your fears. Someone who expects patience from you while treating patience like a favour when it comes to you.
It's expecting you to be the one who always checks in, the one who remembers birthdays, the one who plans everything, the one who apologizes first, the one who notices when something feels off.
And before you know it, you have become the emotional project manager of your relationship.
Meanwhile, they show up, enjoy the benefits, and call it love.
Lazy lovers love convenience, and you have so much of it pouring out of you.
They love the version of you that asks for nothing, the version that forgives quickly, the version that doesn't ask uncomfortable questions, the version that keeps giving them grace while receiving crumbs in return.
And because they're not actively hurting you every day, you convince yourself that maybe this is just what love looks like.
But love shouldn't feel like constantly lowering the bar just so someone else can step over it.
Love is attention. Curiosity. The willingness to keep loving someone long after the chase is over.
You are not "high maintenance" because you want effort.
You are not "too emotional" because you want to be understood.
You are not "asking for too much" because you'd like someone to love you with intention instead of convenience.
You are not trying to “change them” just because you tell them how to love you.
Real love does all these things just because it wants to.
You don't need to become smaller to fit inside someone else's version of what love is. You might just need someone who's willing to do more than the bare minimum.
If this piece meant something to you, share it with someone who might need it today. That's the whole point of writing — to make people feel less alone in the things they can't say out loud.
🖤
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