There’s a moment many parents recognise and dread.
You ask something simple. Something reasonable. Something you’ve probably asked a hundred times before. And the response you get back feels… bigger than it should.
It might look like refusal or saying “no” before you’ve even finished the sentence.
It might escalate quickly, or turn into negotiation, distraction, or complete shutdown.
From the outside, it can look like defiance, but for some children, particularly those with demand-avoidant profiles, what’s happening underneath is very different.
It’s not about not wanting to cooperate, it’s about a need to feel safe, and for that child, safety is closely linked to autonomy. To having a sense of control over what is happening to them, around them, and expected of them.
When that control feels threatened, even by everyday requests, the nervous system can respond as if something much bigger is at stake.
This month’s book list is centred on that idea.
Not control as something to be taken away, but autonomy as something to be understood, respected, and supported.
These curated monthly book lists (from tots to teens!) are for SENDinMama’s paid subscribers! If you’d like to receive them as well as a monthly downloadable resource to support your SEND, neurodiverse or trauma affected children, please consider becoming a paid subscriber for the price of a coffee - £3.50 per month! Your support allows me to continue making resources for families who need guidance
So here we go!
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