Happy Holidays, friends! I hope everyone is enjoying this special time of year and spending it with family—either birth family or chosen. Both kinds are valid!
The colder winter months have a way of making us all slow down and get introspective. I’ve been reflecting too. In my last article, I reflected a lot on my search for credibility in a world that seeks to delegitimize women like myself. The question I sat with was whether my career in anesthesia helped me find credibility as a transgender woman. That is a multi-layered question, but let’s pull back the veil. . .
The short answer to my ‘credibility question’ is both YES and NO.
YES, I believe that having a certain title and a highly skilled job does impact how people receive someone who’s trans. I think when coworkers see me competently perform the same job as them, it does shift stereotypes and buys a little respect, even if there is some underlying anti-trans bias. (And as a disclaimer, yes, it is ridiculous that someone’s profession should play any part in defining their humanity—but this is the world we live in). Also. . .
NO, I don’t believe this extension of credibility/respect is bulletproof, though. Experience has taught me that human beings also have very short-term memories, are susceptible to media propaganda, and many are just plain transphobic. The rest of this article is meant to serve as a guide for how to deal with the fickle nature of approval (and disapproval) that trans people receive from the public at large. It’s a valuable lesson for anyone who has felt othered or marginalized.
In my 17-year history working in anesthesia, I have held jobs in various cities across the country. And in the jobs where I have been “out” to some degree, I hope I’ve caused a shift in the way trans individuals are perceived—for the better, of course. It’s one thing to see us as a concept on a daytime talk show. It’s another thing to see us working at the hospital in advanced-practice roles. I truly believe this type of visibility is important because exposure to diversity does directly change minds. Highly-educated professionals are NOT always as progressive and liberal as they might seem. In fact, I find medicine as a whole to be fairly conservative. This is the work of being visible as a trans person in medicine.
Over the years, co-workers of mine have chosen to follow me on social media. I’ve always been touched by that, even though I know many of them do so out of curiosity. Many expressed support of me on these platforms initially, which I was always grateful for. Then, the anti-trans machine started churning out propaganda a few years ago.
I’ve watched these same former co-workers slowly start to repost content that explicitly mocks or bashes trans people. This rhetoric escalated last year with the US presidential election (Trump’s platform was explicitly anti-trans) and the 2024 Summer Olympics (boxer Imane Khelif won a gold medal but received endless cyber abuse when her sex was questioned, eventhough she is not trans and does not identify as intersex). In this environment, a lot of folks felt emboldened to viciously attack the trans community. There has been a surge of negative posts and memes—from the accounts of people who just a few years ago I was working with or leaving me positive messages on Facebook.
Clearly, they forgot someone in their feed was watching. But I was. And that left me with a few options to consider.
One choice is to look the other way.
Another choice is to hit ‘Unfollow.”
Still another choice is to take breaks from social media altogether.
Believe me, I have done all of these at various times. And I still do, depending on the day and what energy I have at the moment. But then—ooooh, lord! There are some days when a voice rises up inside me that refuses to let me be silent any longer. I’m talking about the voice that demands that I clap back, hunny!
When someone is posting political material that takes aim at a population (like your own), it can feel intolerable. . .especially when the hits keep coming day after day. I do believe in preserving our energy and sanity. And yet. . .when it comes to people you know—people who should know better—there is a subtle art to the act of clapping back. What I’d like to share are some steps that I have found to be effective:
Start off with a request: “Dear ___, Please take this down.”
Explain why the information they are sharing is inaccurate: Insert facts. Avoid emotion here. Use elevated language. The more elevated your language, the dumber the other person sounds (yes, I am 100% petty like that). Cite sources whenever possible.
Give them a reason: “Spreading this kind of false information causes material harm to people like me for the following reasons. . .”
Depending on the kind of relationship you have with that person, choose whether to do all this publicly (in the comments under their post) or privately (through direct message). My default is to address all of this publicly. I personally feel that if people are comfortable enough to bash marginalized communities openly on social media, then they get comfortable with the blowback too.
The results of my ‘claps back’ are varied. Some will go back and forth with me, defending their views for a while. Some will tell me to ‘lighten up’ or that it is ‘just a joke.’ In these moments, I usually just double down. I really do not care at that point. I keep coming at them with facts, the impact of what they are sharing, and a strong reminder that they worked with a trans CRNA and that they—of all people—should know better. Largely, the end result is that the ‘offender’ either stops responding, they delete their post altogether, or they issue me an apology (usually privately, in my DM’s).
Transphobic remarks are essentially ubiquitous right now. They feel like a speeding train that just keeps getting faster and it is a lot for anyone in my community to bear. I just want every person reading this to know that.
All of this is a lot for your trans friends to bear.
That being said, prevailing social attitudes almost never reverse course on their own. This article is not about fault-finding or shaming people. This is about addressing hate speech and reversing it in its tracks. To slow that speeding train requires the work of many. Like fascism, it often requires death by a thousand paper cuts. And one can inflict such a paper cut when and if they have the energy for it. These tiny ‘clap backs’ on social media do add up.
I’m fully aware they probably won’t change the minds of the people who post them, but the exchange does make them think twice. And that back-and-forth exchange is also important for the silent audience on social media who is watching. You know that audience—the one made of family and friends who watch and read but never say anything. It is this audience that takes in both sides and could be swayed by points made that are intelligent, well-argued, and based in our shared humanity. They are the ones that see their friend or loved one look like a asshole when being called out for spreading false and hateful rhetoric. In this sense, so much of the benefit of ‘clapping back’ may be unspoken or unrealized. Still, I feel it’s important—for the entire audience watching. . .and also for myself.
Everytime I push back with logic and facts until I exhaust the other person, it’s a tiny ‘win’ for my younger self—that younger version of me that was too shy or lacking in confidence to stand up for herself. She would be overjoyed to see me clap back against the bullies now. So, that’s why I continue to do it. And that’s why others should too. Bullies are only as strong as we allow them to be. Now is a prescient time to reclaim our power.
Thanks again as always for reading. Please like, share, or subscribe as able. And remember that gifting a subscription might be a perfect Christmas (or Hanuakkah!) gift for someone you love!
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