Unpacking America

Hello, friends. It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I’ve felt the calling this year to be a bit more offline. Something magical happens when we withdraw from the world at large for a bit. Let me share a few thoughts. . .

I went back to America in the fall of 2025. I did so to attend my sister’s wedding and to work in Northern California for a few months. My role as a nurse anesthetist is really only valid in the United States, and I feel compelled to keep my anesthesia license current. What’s more, the combination of locum tenens pay and a favorable exchange rate against the New Zealand dollar offered me a unique opportunity: the chance to slow down.

Crazy things start to happen when an American slows down.

I trimmed my work hours back to part time when I returned to the southern hemisphere in January. Such an indulgence feels like blasphemy by American standards. It’s also given me time to be introspective about so many things. And there are so many downloads that come when not living under the pressure of constant stress. Here are a few key observations:

It’s true. Money is necessary to live, but we often put money and stature above all else, including happiness. I did it for years, unconsciously. We’ve been programmed to chase the dragon of collecting dollars and it’s never enough. As soon as we hit one benchmark, the goalpost keeps moving. One more handbag, a brighter, shinier car, a new big house with all the latest finishes. And then, there is the looming reality of retirement. There can never be enough money for that.

In 2026, slowing down was my most radical act of defiance against productivity culture and rampant capitalism. Granted, capitalism is everywhere. It’s not an American invention. But it tends to take on an especially predatory quality in the U.S. Take a drive down Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, for instance. The ordinary person is assailed with ads for things they ‘need’ to buy everywhere they look. In comparison, billboards are far less prevalent in New Zealand due to local council oversight and a preference for uncluttered landscapes. It not only looks better. It also allows us more room to breathe.

This one bears special attention. I never realized just how much I pushed myself to keep going for the sake of money. I remember doing my 40 hours a week, regularly taking call/doing overtime, and still making time to work on acting or writing projects over the weekends. I even had a podcast for a while, where I was not only in front of the camera but doing all the production and marketing as well. I did all of this while maintaining a very active social life and keeping up appearances in the gym (you can never be too thin in LA). Looking back, I have no idea how I did it. I just thought that being SO EXHAUSTED was normal because. . .well, that is just life. Right?

No, that is actually adrenal exhaustion.

I marvel at how people with multiple children do it. I kept going until my body literally forced me to collapse on the couch some days and recover. During all of this, I was always on edge and constantly forgetting things about the people that really mattered. In the end, I think I honestly had to get to almost a breaking point. I knew something had to change. I know I am not the only one experiencing this. Burnout is real. And it’s on the rise in countries like America where health care is a privilege, wages are stagnant, and the cost of living continues to skyrocket.

Transitioning to a less busy schedule is a process. It feels uncomfortable to have more time at first. There was always the haunting thought in the back of my mind saying “shouldn’t I be doing more?” That took some time to wrestle with. Then, came a period of relative apathy. There were times when nothing really motivated me. Not money or the hunger for something more. I suppose this is normal in recovering from burnout. Once I saw the rat race for what it was, I questioned if any of it was really worth it anymore. I could do without expensive clothes and dinners. I didn’t actually need that much to be happy. What was important was easing into the little moments of life: taking the time to sip my morning tea or seeing the first rays of sunlight come up, spending time with people I loved. This was a period of intense evaluation as I questioned what really made me happy everyday and what really matters. I think it’s a vital thing for any person to consider. I feel like I sat with all these questions late in life. In truth, many of us are too busy to ever consider them, period.

Breathwork. For the past six months, I have done tons of breathwork—specifically a format known as 9D. There is something about somatic practices that helps release trapped emotions and cellular memories. Oftentimes, people don’t know what has been stuck inside them—sometimes for decades. Remember that emotions are energy in motion. Energy is meant to stay in motion. If we do not express an emotion (because we are too busy or wound up to), that energy can get stuck and become a blockage that will rule our lives. So take time to really breathe, my friends.

Nature. Sunlight and fresh air are two of life’s most potent healers. Being outside in them automatically connects us to our roots and allows us to reset. I have spent countless hours running or walking along the water here. Thoughts and emotions come up when I do so, as do revelations. It is cathartic every time. I cannot express how much it has helped.

Travel. I went to Queenstown with a friend a few months ago and then went on to spend five days in Australia. Something about Australia healed my soul while I was there. I can’t explain it. I’ve been to Oz before, but this time was different. I don’t know if it was the friends I visited there or the reminder that it’s a big, beautiful world out there, but something about it really opened up my heart. At one point, I was standing in the water there on the Gold Coast, with the sand between my toes. I felt so much joy in that moment. Waves of gratitude washed over my body. Life felt like a gift again. It’s decidedly difficult (or impossible) to feel that while running on cortisol day after day.

Rest. Again, we live in a productivity cult. We are programmed to believe our value as people is tied to what we DO rather than something that is inherent JUST BECAUSE. The radical shift in the face of all this was just to slow down. It’s radical to honor the natural cycles within. It takes awareness to realize that things flow so much easier when the energy to do them arises naturally, rather than forcing ourselves to meet the outside world’s demands. We probably did this in centuries past and lived much more harmoniously as a result. I see all too well how the trappings of modern life force us into unnatural cycles of productivity. I believe there must be a way to live a more balanced life.

Reprioritization. As I mentioned above, reevaluating what’s really important helped a lot. It isn’t always about the chase. The journey happens everyday so it may as well be enjoyed, moment to moment. There was an art of reclaiming myself that happened as I did this. I got clarity. I got to remember who I was. I got to shift my life accordingly. It’s still a work in progess, though. It’s scary and incredibly vulnerable. And yet, it’s never too late to reclaim oneself outside of the capitalist machine.

Purpose. Purpose injects new meaning into our lives. And purpose has been a huge part of my recalibration. In truth, I have been recalibrating that way for over a decade now. My career in anesthesia has been incredibly good to me financially. It was something I learned, got good at, and which provided me a lot of stability, but it was never something I felt passionate about. That is a hard thing to admit. And yet, it is also the beginning of something new. Life feels better when I focus on what I am passionate about: the creative and healing arts. Those areas have been a focus for me for the last six months, even if a lot of what I’m doing is currently behind the scenes.

All of these actions help, but dissociating from the endless chase is a daily practice. And I want to give a little disclaimer now: I know what I’m writing about here is a privilege. I really do. Not everyone can step away from their country of origin or afford to slow down even for a little while. And the fact that this is a luxury is exactly the problem. It shouldn’t be a luxury. It should be a right.

Nationalism has drawn borders across this earth and divided people. It has created artificial lines where there were none—and artificial systems as well. These lines and these systems pit humans against one another in a forever battle of “us” versus “them.” Humans are not the problem. I’d venture to say that the proverbial Wizard of Oz who pulls strings behind the curtain is. And the metaphor of a Wizard working behind the veil is a fitting one. We appoint certain people to high offices and pretend they will take care of us, because it is easier than taking responsibility for our own lives. Just like that, we stop looking beyond the veil.

And it’s really not working, is it? Not when we are all overworked and exhausted. Now is a perfect time to admit that. And now is the perfect time for us to take radical responsibility for our lives. We all have a choice in that, especially together.

In short, I have learned more about America by being outside of its borders. The U.S. is a spectacular country. And yet, it’s one that has not lived up to its ideals. Not yet at least. And certainly not for everyone. This 250-year anniversary of the Declaration of Independence should be a time for great celebration. The United States is one of the wealthiest countries on earth. Yet, we have more wealth disparity and more division than ever. Our Constitution is being rattled by an extremist Supreme Court that has gone rogue. I sense a general malaise in the air when I return home. I’m curious to know everyone else’s thoughts right now, because the question remains:

How will we define ourselves as a country going forward?

In the end, that choice is ours. Please drop your thoughts in the comments below.

Much love and Happy Fourth, y’all.

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