damn… i feel you… i can sense the weariness in your eyes as you arrive to these words.. and i want you to know that you are not alone in this moment… of course, i’m here with you… writing to you but i need you to know this as well.. some women don't leave themselves all at once. they do it quietly, one compromise at a time, until one day they look up and can't remember what they actually wanted….
and i feel like that explains you.. this explains the way you may have been feeling and so, lets dig a little deeper… again, i’m here with you.. take your time…
look… here are five signs it happened to you… maybe this will open your eyes a bit…
1. you say “i’m fine” faster than you feel anything.
it became a reflex. someone… asks how you are and the answer is out before you’ve even checked. not because you’re okay, but because telling the truth would take too long and you learned no one was really waiting for it.
2. you feel guilty resting.
you have to earn stillness. you can’t sit down until everyone else is taken care of, and even then a part of you is scanning for the next thing to fix. rest feels like something you’ll be punished for.
3. you’ve gotten so good at reading everyone else’s mood that you lost track of your own.
you can walk into a room and know exactly how everyone is feeling. ask you how you feel and there’s a long silence. you outsourced your inner life to keeping other people comfortable.
4. your “no” comes out as “okay.”
you meant to set a boundary. you rehearsed it, even….and then the moment came and you folded, because keeping the peace always felt safer than keeping your word to yourself.
5. you’d recognize everyone in your life by heart, but you’d struggle to describe who you are anymore.
you know their favorite things, their triggers, their needs…. and somewhere in becoming an expert on everyone else, you became a stranger to yourself.
if you read these and felt seen, this is not a life sentence…. it’s a damn starting point.
the woman you left behind is still in there and coming back to her is not selfish.
it’s the most honest thing you can do….
if you're ready to find your way back, i made something to walk you through it. two journals, sixty days, one honest page at a time. the during, and the after…
thank you for your time… take care…
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