Letting Go of Perfectionism

Writing an article for this newsletter can sometimes feel like a Herculean feat. Last week, I admitted to myself that I could not write anything for The Possible Path. I had to give myself a break. I allowed myself to rest, heal, and shed the lie that my work is my worth. I am not a human “doing” but a human being. My worth is based on who I am, and I am a child of God created in His image.

I had a virus and the beginning of a sinus infection. I tried to push myself because I have a badly overworked work ethic. My motto has always been “just keep going.” But sometimes it’s damn near impossible to live up to it.

I give myself permission not to be perfect, because perfectionism is an illusion. There is nothing perfect in this world. Demanding perfection from myself is something that developed in childhood as a trauma response. The problem with that demand is that it sets me up to be less productive. It’s a standard none of us can meet.

From a Christian perspective, the only perfect person was Jesus the Christ/Messiah, or God-in-the-flesh, the second person of the triune God. He lived a sinless life and inaugurated the kingdom of God. He healed the sick, even on a sabbath, which enraged the religious leaders. He prioritized people over rules that made their lives more difficult. Those same leaders arrested Him on trumped-up charges, resulting in the Romans crucifying Him on a cross.

I serve that triune God, and call myself a Christian, or a “little Christ.” In John 3:3, Jesus tells a religious leader named Nicodemus, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.” The Greek word translated as born again is anagennaó, and means, according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, “to produce again, beget again, beget anew.”

That process starts when a person first surrenders their life to God. It’s usually depicted as a one-time event giving someone a ticket to heaven. However, it’s a way of life. Apostle/St. Paul wrote in Galatians 5:24, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” Those of us who are childhood trauma survivors can attest to the fact that change takes time.

Change also takes patience and acceptance. We must accept that only Jesus is perfect. That acceptance helps us be patient with ourselves. During this season of Lent, a 40-day period of reflection and sometimes fasting that begins on Ash Wednesday and concludes on Easter Sunday, let us give up the pursuit of perfection in exchange for what Paul terms “the peace of God.” (Philippians 4:7)

Soon, I will launch an email course about what trauma does and how to recover from it. Stay tuned!