FINNEY’S 5: How to tell the difference between boneless wings and chicken nuggets

1. Boneless wings such a classy name they cost 133% more than plebeian chicken nuggets.

2. Chicken nuggets closer to God because they’re served at Chick-fil-A — except on Sundays. Boneless wings at godless sports bars — especially on NFL Sundays.

3. Boneless wings come with beer and adults yelling at the TV about football. Chicken nuggets come with a minivan full of screaming kids and a handful of Advil for the driver.

4. Boneless wings are the descendants of the original wings from Buffalo, N.Y. No city brags about creating chicken nuggets.

5. Chicken nuggets were invented by a Cornell University professor seeking a way to sell more chicken. Boneless wings were invented by restaurateurs to please customers too lazy to pull meat off the bone.

FINNEY’S 5 is an occasional humor column by exiled newspaperman Daniel P. Finney that is not meant to be taken seriously. If you did, stop it. Sine sale, gravis nimis.

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