BHIF: He inflated until he deflated: the tragic death of Alan Greenspan

Welcome to BHIF for Friday June 26th, 2026. Baruch Hashem (Thank God) It’s Friday is The Old Jewish Men weekly roundup where we get to all the crap that actually matters in the world. Obituary winners. Matchmaking. Market watch. Marketplace finds. Complaint of the week. Joke of the week. You get the picture.

The Fed Chairman through four US presidents, Greenspan played mind games with politicians, journalists and traders. He played the saxophone, “teased lawmakers” and “did most of his best thinking in the bathtub.” Greenspan will be remembered most for printing currency until the country ran out of ink. He loved data, but he also loved the Simpsons, and will be remembered as the first celebrity Fed Chairman.

To read the real obituary click here.

He rose like a bagel in the oven from a low level job at Columbia Records to become “one of music’s most powerful executives.” If there’s one thing Clive cared about it, it’s revenue; he could find America’s next superstar at a bar mitzvah. He wore talent on his sleeve, and we’re not talking about a polyester blend. All the success, the discoveries - Whitney Houston, Barry Manilow, Bruce Springsteen, Santana, Alicia Keys, and yada yada yada. He was a king maker and dressed the part. He loved many women, quite a few men and a lifetime of music. And most importantly, Davis did in stylish loafers.

For those who were there: the weather was hot, the chickens were warm, and the crowd was on the hinds of their legs for hours in hopes of getting a clear view at the competition. And a battle it was! 40 eaters lined up for war to clean bone, all of them licking their lips for a chance at glory, and more importantly: 500 bucks.

The Winner: Robert McGee repeated as second time champion. McGee, who took home the brass last year, finished at the exact same time as Daniel Moriarty, who won two years ago. However, Moriarty had more chicken left on his plate while Mcgee had nothing but bone and cartilage.

Both competitors set records for the event; sucking bone dry in 5 minutes and 40 seconds flat. Last year McGee won it in 6 minutes and 44 seconds.

Below is the video recap and below-the-below a collection of masterful photos taken from the Earth shattering event.

And below the below the below is something else entirely

→ Complaint of the Week: Our weekly complaint columnist, Leecy Davis is OUTTA COMMISH THIS WEEK (who cares), so the OJM editorial board is tasked with sourcing our own complaint.

Every shirt should have a breast pocket. There’s NO reason to make shirts without a breast pocket. It is so much extra material? Is it a difficult design? The breast pocket has never been more important than it is now that we have telephones with headphones that can’t reach our ears from the pants pocket without pulling. With a breast pocket there’s no stretch.

→ Joke of the Week (George Burns)

Don’t stay in bed. Unless you can make money in bed.

→ Wisdom of the Week (George Burns)

First you gorget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

→ Ask the (Eastern Standard Time) Rabbi

Friday June 19th

8:13pm: Shabbat begins (conking out)

Sat June 20th

9:13 pm: Shabbat ends (more brisket next time)