Being nosy is now easier than ever. By grabbing our phones and pulling up any social media, we can peer into the lives of others. Immediately, our focus shifts from our lives to someone else’s. Social media aside, we can ideate on a friend’s relationship problem, our coworker’s tardiness, or a neighbor’s weeds in their lawn, without considering our own stuff. Our inner worlds matter and need tending to, because they impact everything in our lives.
Feelings of Life Dissatisfaction
Get curious about what made you happy or feel at peace in the past. Get busy bringing some of those elements back into your life. This isn’t a call to abandon anything, but instead an opportunity to make space for joy. Even in our responsibilities, sometimes unpleasant, there is space for joy.
Controlling Others
Hinging your life on what others do will create disappointment and resentment. What can you control that you’ve outsourced to others? Be the attentive force in your life you wish others would be.
Preoccupation with Other’s Outcomes
Codependency is rooted in saving people from circumstances created by them that are unhealthy. When we become preoccupied with the outcomes of others, our chances of becoming codependent increase. Care without controlling. Support without giving away more than you can afford emotionally, financially, and physically. Be in community without being a self-run community center.
Wishing Instead of Being
Watching people is not as productive as making moves toward the life you want. Use what you see in the lives of others as motivation, not saved to a folder you never open. Surely there are limits to what we can do, but are you your biggest limit? Perhaps you don’t have the resources that you see others start with, but what do you have? What can you use?
Blaming
A true sign of a lack of accountability is the consistent blaming of others. If your finger is always pointed, your hand should be tired. Here’s a thing I ask my clients: “Where are you in this issue?” For instance, if you married someone who has flipped the script by becoming easily irritated, how did they show up early on? You aren’t responsible for their actions — however, you witnessed the behavior. With accountability, you might acknowledge, “I ignored this because I wanted to see only the good.”
Seeing yourself and your stuff is what moves the needle.
The outward chatter will not heal your inner wounds.
The outward chatter will not sustain you.
The outward chatter will get boring and you’ll constantly find yourself looking for something new to banter about.
What needs my attention that I’ve been avoiding?
Am I being nosy instead of offering help?
You Probably Know a “Conversational Narcissist” — And This Could Explain Why They Act This Way, by Caroline Bologna, on HuffPost.
The Weird Guilt of Having a Better Life Than Your Parents, by Feifei, on her Substack, Feifei’s Substack.
#479 - Back to School Checklist, an episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast with Kendra Adachi — an important listen as parents prepare for back to school — on Apple Podcasts.
If you want to keep your relationship strong, do more of this, by Jenna Ryu, on The Washington Post
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