https://eatingdisordersanonymous.org
We are writing, using prompts about Step 7:
v “Humility means hiding nothing from ourselves, accepting ourselves as we are now, even the aspects of ourselves that may make us uncomfortable.” Write about that…
v Write about this if it seems true for you: “worrying too much about shortcomings just leads me right back to self pity and resentment.”
v We heard this: As we work on Step Seven, selfishness will start to diminish. If this strikes a chord for you, write about that.
v Which of your perceived shortcomings can you imagine being transformed into assets? How?
https://odysee.com/@JD-Savanyu:4/Russian-Ocean-Waves-ASMR-relaxing-favorite-1-hour---by-JD-Savanyu-writer:7?r=76byLTy8eLwNnT413RLsdZmfY9RfvBgE
This morning I’m rolling with the sound of Russian ocean waves and my loud ass fan that sounds like a prop plane while I write.
I needed to stop for a minute and wipe the filth off my glasses. I honestly just woke up about a half hour ago and am trying to kick my ass into gear. I still need to do my meds and get my protein shake. It took me most of the half hour I’ve been up to figure out that I should wipe the fingerprint or whatever was obstructing my vision off my glasses! I need to clear out the brain fog.
This meeting doesn’t usually work with my schedule, which is unfortunate, because it’s a good meeting. It goes deep into the steps, helping me understand them. Even if I don’t work them properly, which I honestly don’t, I want to have an understanding of the program and its tenets to help it work better for me.
Let’s see about the prompts.
Thinking about my perceived shortcomings can lead me back to self-pity and resentment. When are my assessments of what I need to work on accurate? When are they tied to the self-loathing that began when I was a toddler?
When I evaluate what I need to work on from a neutral place, I am able to come up with solutions that actually work.
Here are some genuine issues that need to be addressed.
Time management continues to be a problem for me.
I caught myself hyperfocusing yesterday. I need to break out of this state as soon as I notice it because it is accompanied by high levels of anxiety that lead to emotional dysregulation.
My insomnia continues to be a huge stumbling block. I’ve had problems with insomnia all of my life. My sleep patterns have been wacky literally from the time I was born. You could get out a Ouija board and ask my mother.
I am starting to be able to write fiction again but am still encountering the problem of planning myself into analysis paralysis. I’m figuring out that the reason I was never much of a planner previously when it came to writing is because planning tends to induce a hyperfocus state. I wanted to just get into the story and enjoy the journey. I’ve come to the point where I like to have a roadmap, but I need a way to do it without becoming mired.
I need to continue working on my tendency to multitask. It’s one thing when I’m watching something that doesn’t require too much attention while doing Lingo Legend or something of that nature. It’s another when I’m playing mobile games.
I’m doing better about not compulsively playing mobile games thanks to the big box of fidget objects that I purchased. I choose a new one every day. Instead of playing mobile games all the time, I reach for a fidget. It doesn’t divide my attention the way a mobile game does, and it makes me less agitated.
I am making strides.
1. Respond to anything from today’s reading on Step 2 (pp 117-124).
2. What powers or purposes have you encountered that are greater than yourself?
3. How have you used or can you use pain to some good purpose?
4. Write about your relationship with a higher purpose or purposes.
Most purposes are greater than myself. I’ve always hoped that perhaps by being open about my struggles, I might help others with similar struggles to realize that they are not alone, they are not “weird” (well, okay, if they’re like me, they’re definitely weird, but that’s a whole other story), they are not irreparably broken, they are not stupid, they are not all the negative things that others have said they are.
Nobody ever told me I was broken beyond repair, but with so many messages about what I was doing wrong, I couldn’t help but think that was the case. I learned never to give myself credit for anything. When I managed to accomplish a task in a satisfactory or even an exemplary way, I would never say to myself, “Good job, Me!”
Instead I would say things like this:
“Yeah, that came off pretty good, but I see where I could have done better. I need to work harder in the future.”
“Sure, that piece sounded all right, and people even clapped when I came to the part of the song where I crashed my hands down on the piano keys to emulate a thunder strike scaring the deer in the forest. But I hope they didn’t hear the spots where I missed the notes. I wish I was a better piano player. I need to practice more.”
“I like the way this story came out, but how could I have missed that typo when I was editing? Now it’s in the anthology like that. Duh!”
The concept of rewarding myself for completing a task is completely foreign to me. A reward for doing what was necessary? Ridiculous! Time to move on to the next one!
The problem with this line of thinking is that humans require dopamine in order to feel inspired to complete tasks. People with ADHD (like me) are dopamine-deprived from the start, which leads us to being extremely vulnerable to addictive behaviors. It’s my theory that mobile games with predatory microtransactions target those with such vulnerabilities. One of my purposes is to help expose the gaming industry’s predatory behaviors.
Ornery Owl Has Spoken
Ornery Owl is thinking things over. Either that or realizing just what you’d do for a Klondike bar and being appalled.
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