https://eatingdisordersanonymous.org
Prompts
One member wrote, “My intuition is my higher power.” When I feel doubtful or overwhelmed, my intuition says, “Slow down. Take it easy.” Write about this idea.
When I felt an overreaction or heightened emotional state, I paused. I got in touch with my feelings and asked myself, “What’s really going on with me right now?” Write your thoughts about this idea.
Another member said, “When I remember to pause, I recognize it and celebrate it as a milestone.” Write about a time when you remembered to pause and how it served your recovery.
No matter how big the problem may be, when I take care of my basic needs and listen for guidance, I can generally find a simple answer. Write your thoughts about this concept.
And we’re off!
Pausing is one of the most difficult concepts for me. I have been on at least yellow alert for so long that I don’t trust it when nothing is going on. I expect the other shoe to drop at any moment. I’m always on. There’s always something else that needs to be done.
I truly fear that if I were to become critically ill with a condition such as cancer, I would be doomed regardless of the effectiveness of the treatment. Such illnesses require ample rest, and I do not allow myself to rest.
I have trouble going to sleep at night, because there’s always one more thing to be done. Wait, damn it! I haven’t achieved this yet! Just one more thing, and then I’ll go to bed, if I must. My mantra when I was still working in healthcare was, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
It may seem unbelievable that I gave so much of my energy and devotion to jobs that tended to be low-paying, physically punishing, and overall thankless. It isn’t that I loved these jobs. In many cases, I actually hated them. However, I was worried about losing my source of income, so I did my best to try and make myself indispensable to my employers.
The truth is, in jobs like these, everyone is expendable. When I was gone, I’m sure I was quickly forgotten. I know I was quickly replaced. I was nothing special. I wasn’t one of their star players, but they took advantage of the fact that I was willing to work myself to death, disregarding my own needs.
Prompt 1
It took time, support, and self-accountability to quiet the obsessive thoughts that drove the choices and behaviors in my life. Not counting—letting go of numbers—was the first milestone in my recovery. And thanks to my willingness to change how I measured success, I have experienced many more milestones. Reflections on Recovery Of EDA Members pg 49
I discovered the concepts of Health at Every Size and Size Acceptance in 2011, when I was 46 years old.
My father had died at the end of November 2010 from long-standing problems caused by multiple strokes. Previously, this would have served as incentive to starve myself to an arbitrary level of thinness, but thanks to more than three decades of weight cycling combined with my trash fire of an endocrine system, that was no longer possible.
I needed to take better care of myself, and that included not overexercising, restricting, purging, or any of the other self-loathing behaviors I engaged in to try and force my body to become something it clearly was not made to be. I quickly discovered that the medical system did not (and does not) support an approach to health that doesn’t focus on weight loss.
Prompt 2
I gradually noticed that EDA members listened attentively, then talked about solutions, not only their problems. I gradually started doing that and also claiming milestones for trying to do the right things. Do you find yourself talking about your problems rather than solutions? If so, why? Reflections on Recovery Reflection Of EDA Members pg 77
Instead of rushin’ around, why not relax with these Russian ocean waves?
While I’m all for talking about solutions, I believe people need to be able to discuss their problems without fear of shaming. I’ve had enough of toxic positivity, which is a problem I encounter in statements like this. It reminds me of the shaming that people who were victims of violent crime encounter in the admonition to see ourselves as survivors rather than victims.
I’m a survivor. I’m also a victim. At this point in my life, I will tell anyone who tries to shame me into compliance that I won’t accept it. I need to be able to talk about what happened to me, both with my addictions and with my trauma, without being shamed by those who really don’t care what happened, they just want me to shut up and toe the line.
A wiser person than me said that the mental health system doesn’t care about whether patients are happy, it wants them to be compliant. I agree with this statement. Over the years that I sought help for the problems I was dealing with, I was admonished to medicate my problems rather than confronting them. I discovered that I have paradoxical reactions to psychiatric medications. They tend to make me manic and psychotic. These are two issues that I don’t normally deal with. My baseline state is moderately depressed, and I tend to be sidelined by anxiety.
When I told my doctor that Zoloft made me feel like my brain had grown tiny hands and was trying to pick its way out of my skull, he told me to stay on it anyway.
I didn’t.
This is the way I have been treated by the medical system. My concerns are ignored.
Ornery Owl Has Spoken
Ornery Owl thinks the healthcare system is lopsided.
Resources:
The Anti-Diet
Body Positivity deck
The Fuck It Diet
Health at Every Size
Intuitive Eating book
Making Peace with Food deck
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