When did you last feel like you could really trust yourself?
Not in a good-day kind of way. In a whatever-happens-I’ll-be-okay kind of way.
For a lot of us, that feeling is hard to locate. Especially when the world is full of uncertainty and the old defaults — perform, please, protect — start to feel like the safest option.
Those old ‘good girl’ patterns have a habit of showing up exactly when things get hard. Which is what makes this week’s finding feel so worth sitting with.
Warm wishes,
Chelle & Evie
Two years ago, our research pointed us toward three skills that helped women move from ‘good girl’ conditioning toward being more ‘uniquely you’ — self-compassion, secure attachment, and self-leadership. We’ve been sitting with these skills, researching them, and developing tools around them ever since.
When we sat with 15 women in a qualitative focus group in early March 2026 and explored what these skills had actually done for them, one theme kept surfacing.
Self-trust.
The kind that doesn’t require everything to be okay before you can show up. The kind that makes it a little easier to stay with yourself in the exact moments where ‘good girl’ conditioning would previously have pulled you straight back into performing, pleasing, or protecting.
Self-compassion, secure attachment and self-leadership don't deliver self-trust like a package at the door. They create the conditions for it — slowly, through practice, through small moments of choosing yourself.
And over time, safety, acceptance, and love start to feel less like things that need to be earned. What grows in their place is something steadier — the capacity to sit with complexity, to navigate the hard moments, and to trust that whatever happens, you won't be the one who abandons you.
The full findings are in the research insight below.
Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’, ‘woman’, ‘boy’ and ‘man’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.
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If you’ve ever felt pressured to be good, The Perfectly Imperfect Women’s Journal and The Perfectly Imperfect Companion Workbook will help you break free. With real stories, research-backed insights, and powerful exercises, these books will give you the confidence to trust yourself, set boundaries, and step into your own power. It’s time to rewrite the rules and start living on your terms. Get your copies now.
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