Two weeks ago, we sat down with women from all over the world. Different ages, different careers, wildly different lives — and yet we found ourselves circling the same terrain.
We explored how the world is shaping our “good girl” beliefs right now. What it takes to stay connected to who we really are. And what actually helps when it gets hard.
We’ve spent the last fortnight sitting with what was shared. Over the next three weeks, we’ll be sharing our three biggest findings.
This is the first.
Warm wishes,
Chelle & Evie
Our 2024 research showed us that ‘good girl’ conditioning starts early. By around age eleven, girls learn that their value is measured by their ability to perform perfectly, please everyone around them, and protect others from discomfort—often at the expense of their own needs. We saw that this was often taught by families, classrooms, and culture.
So when we asked a qualitative focus group of 15 women in 2026 to think back over a recent ‘good girl’ memory and name who was behind the pressure, we expected external pressure to be the most common answer.
It wasn’t.
The biggest source of ‘good girl’ pressure in women’s lives in adulthood wasn’t a boss, a partner, a parent or anyone else in the room. The rules learned decades ago have been absorbed so completely that they no longer need anyone else to enforce them.
Many of us were now doing it to ourselves.
We want to hold that carefully. This isn’t about self-blame. These patterns were absorbed slowly, over years, often without awareness. And because of that, they don’t unravel quickly or easily.
What this does open up is a chance to get curious about where those expectations came from. Whose voices they carry. Whether they still serve us. And how we can free ourselves when needed.
The full findings are in the research report below.
Please note: We are mindful that ‘girl’, ‘woman’, ‘boy’ and ‘man’ are socially constructed ideas of gender that can fall painfully short of defining the fabulous complexity of who we each are. If these words resonate with part of how you have previously or currently identified yourself, we’d love to hear about your lived experiences.
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