I’m so happy to be sitting down, writing a newsletter to you. I’ve been staring at the Word Doc for a few minutes because I don’t know how to start this, so this is me starting it. So much has happened since the last one I sent, which was the evening before publication! Thank you so much to everyone that has read and received ARE YOU MAD AT ME?, told a friend about it, told their therapist about it — it brings me more joy and fulfillment than I could ever articulate. I could ramble on for a whole newsletter about this, but I’ll keep it concise so we can get to the material for today — plus a special announcement and a free meditation at the end of the newsletter!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
September 15th. How and when did we get here?
I find September to be such a transitional month — out of summer, not yet into the full swing of fall. And with this transition comes reflection with questions like: what stays the same, and what needs to change? What pieces of myself am I ready to shed? What parts of my identity have come to a close, and what clarity am I seeking for this next season?
I feel the most “myself” in the fall months. Even in San Francisco where the days are quite mild year-round, the shift in season and the changing light feels like seasonal permission to slow down, be softer and settle into soothing routines and rituals. Morning hot chocolate tastes more comforting, candles feel warmer. And maybe this shift in season is especially relieving when slowing down is otherwise challenging to do, which I think for many of us, myself included, it is.
What I’ve come to notice is that this voice in our minds that says you should be doing this or why aren’t you doing more - will always be there. No matter how much we’re doing, nothing is enough for that inner voice that has learned to find safety through always doing more. And that’s really the heart of the fawn response: I need to do more to be liked, to be safe, to be enough. Slowing down isn’t an option when our body thinks there’s a threat.
And because this part is trying to protect us — believing that we’re doing enough would feel quite risky to that part, because what could happen if we aren’t bending over backwards, overextending ourselves and doing the most? Maybe in the past, at some point in your life, that meant being criticized or disrupting the peace. Maybe it was crucial to not slow down because staying ahead was how you stayed in control.
What I like to say if we were genuinely in danger, we wouldn’t have the chance to take three deep breaths. We wouldn’t have time for it. So if our body is reacting from an old place, and carrying urgency and shouldn’t I do more? into our lives when we don’t need it — by slowing down, you’re telling your body, I’m safe. There’s no danger here. See? I’m taking a deep breath and I wouldn’t be able to do that if I was actually in danger.
In other words: we often wait for our external world to slow down, in order for us to be able to slow down. We wait for our inboxes to be empty or our schedules to be clear or the news to be brighter. But does that day ever come? Perhaps it’s in that slowing down first — in small, subtle ways — that we’re able to find peace sooner. It’s slowing down while engaging with the world, and in our relationships.
Slowing down doesn’t have to be a Big Thing, and it shouldn’t be. We never want any new step we take to feel like a shock to the body. It’s about taking in small bites of discomfort, small bites of slowness, so that we can still feel safe at the same time.
Maybe slowing down looks like…
Taking three deep breaths before eating your lunch
Noticing the craving to scroll during the five minutes before your next meeting, and letting yourself sit quietly instead
Stretching when you wake up or before you go to bed
Lighting a few candles for extra warmth as the days get shorter and the nights get longer
Cooking a warm, grounding meal that makes your inner child feel taken care of
Noticing when you feel an urgency to respond to a text, and instead allowing yourself to respond when you’re able to
Choosing a fiction book that allows you to escape, even for a moment, into a world that feels more comforting
As you go through your usual routines in the morning, slowing down and being present with them. Instead of going through the motions, notice the sensations of your toothbrush on your gums, or the sound of your coffee as it pours into the mug.
Whatever slowing down looks like to you, I hope you can allow yourself to release a sliver of pressure from yourself, even if it’s for a fleeting moment. I hope you can shed “should” from your vocabulary and tune into what your body is needing.
When ARE YOU MAD AT ME? came out, I felt almost complete. But I knew that there was something else I wanted to create to support readers in their processing, something that really helped readers get the most out of the material. I’m someone that learns from doing and practicing, and I find that sometimes just reading about something keeps me stuck in my over-intellectualizing mind.
My friend then texted me a screenshot of this sweet comment:
And I wish that, too. I wish I was able to sit down with each and every reader, and hear what resonated with you, and not just discuss the material but really practice it together. And while that wouldn’t be humanly possible, I did what I hope is the second best thing: I entered back into my creative cave, and made a workshop!
My greatest goal is for us to be able to really slow down with the material and not just understand it, but to practice it and integrate in a deep way. As I’m sure you can relate, it’s one thing to conceptually “get it,” but to really slow down and feel it is a whole new layer of healing.
And this is why I formatted the workshop in a very specific way:
This recorded workshop is 2.5 hours long (broken up into six segments).
In the first half of each segment, I’m pulling out important insights and guiding you through key material.
In the second half of each segment, I’m leading you through a guided mindfulness exercise (each one is 9-12 minutes long) so that we can take what we just learned and really integrate it.
In total: this workshop includes 7 guided mindfulness exercises, each one with its own theme, so that we can move out of the head and into the body. And I’ll be right there with you, guiding each step along the way.
The best part is: the workshop is yours forever! You have access to the recordings forever, and you can return to them whenever you need them.
Whether you read the book and want to practice the material together, or whether you didn’t read the book because you’re more of an experiential learner: I hope this workshop is everything you need, and more.
As a way to support you in slowing down with the season, and to also give you a glimpse into the workshop, I present to you a free guided meditation from the Introduction portion. It’s a shorter, more general mindfulness meditation before we dive into the actual workshop material. I hope you enjoy!
Thank you so much for being here, exactly as you are.
Until next time,
♡ Meg
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