Hi friends, Em Vernem here.
I was doomscrolling Substack one night because a) I feel less guilty as it makes me feel smartish and b) I was procrastinating cleaning my bathroom. Of course, the post that caught my attention was actually a screenshot of a Tweet (an X?), and the post on X was a screenshot of a TikTok (typical).
It was an image of a woman eating, imo the best-looking meal – fried prawns and cheesy pasta. The caption on the video read: I’m doing the opposite of a cleanse. I’m doing a clog.
Immediately, I closed my eyes and nodded slowly. Ah yes, this is a trend that I can get behind. Not only is it a trend that I can get behind, but it’s a trend that I can start myself… and start I did.
For the past few weeks, I’ve embraced and championed the clog. I’ve taken the deliciously greasy food out of the photo and have expanded it into my everyday.
I now class myself as a world-class clogger – the chief clog if you will.
Here are my favourite clog activities, which I wholeheartedly recommend you take into consideration.
Yes, you might have hit your 30g of protein, (which Mia says (and I need to give you a TMI warning here) clogs you in a… different way) but what about some chippies? They’re very important for both the taste and the vibes.
I learnt this trick from my co-host Amelia. Did you know that fully fledged adults can have a little bit of chocolate with their coffee? I honestly don’t think we celebrate the concepts of mochas enough.
It’s easy and it’s efficient and it always works. Literally clogging my face (in a good way).
How can I? My face is full of Vaseline.
Yes, it’s the perfect day. The sun is shining, the bin chickens are rummaging. Me? I’m in bed reading either an addictive novel or a romantacy series. No, I don’t feel bad for not seizing the day. The only person I feel bad for is the character in my book who just got burnt to ashes by a dragon in heat.
I’ve been having Yo-Chi nearly every day and am now a member. My go-to is vanilla with a lot (and I mean a lot) of Nutella on top. If you think you have a lot of Nutella, add on an additional two spoonfuls. I also have been into chocolate mousse tubs and strawberry gelato (it’s fruit, so it’s good for you, right?).
You can hear all about my clogging activities on Friday’s show.
You might be wondering… why? So fair. In a world full of optimising, maxxing and enhancing, I want to represent the opposite to give balance to a system that would clutch their pearls at the thought of cheesy pasta with no protein.
I guess I’m just tired of always trying to better myself. I’m tired of thinking about macros and protein and collagen and step count and frown lines and pilates every waking moment. Yes, it’s important to look after your health, but it’s also important to look after your health.
I want to clog and I want to eat the cheesy pasta.
Em x
Em recommends: Anne Hathaway’s new dinosaur movie called The End of Oak Street. IMO it’s the perfect movie. Completely original screenplay and story, I haven’t felt this passionately about a film since Sinners (IYKYK).
Amelia recommends: The Dupe Spot for that particular scent you can no longer find. Amelia’s staple perfume she wore during school was rudely discontinued, but she found a very close duplication at this online store based in Melbourne and is now living in nostalgic bliss.
Mia recommends: A beauty hack!! She recently learnt that we’ve all been applying our concealer wrong (guilty). Instead of dotting the product close to your lash line, you’re actually meant to apply it a bit lower down (closer to your cheekbones). She did a live demonstration on the vodcast and to answer everyone’s main question… she swears by the concealers at Sephora. This is the one she’s currently using.
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