Exactly why Harry and Meghan are REALLY coming home. Maybe.

Hello, hello, and a fresh report from the land of marmite and squirrels, where the press has absolutely zero chill about the news that Harry and Meghan are ‘moving home’. Probably because it means we get a whole new content series unfolding over autumn and winter.

Several distinct waves of reaction have followed this news.

First, that the King must have okayed this. That he’s picked his squeaky-wheel spare over his stoic and sensible heir. The idea being that this is all about a stealth return to the Royal Family for Harry, and that Charles’s weakness is that he wants Harry close. There have been rumours bubbling for a while that this is why one of the King’s most senior aides resigned after Harry’s visit; the read being that empathy and forgiveness aren’t exactly a royal trait, and that we will hold the line. The hawks, as we’ve told you about lots of times on Out Loud, are very p*ssed off about this. William, of course, included.

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But then the second wave is that it appears, maybe, we had it all wrong, and this has got nothing to do with Harry’s return to the Royal Family and more to do with Meghan’s return to work.

You’ll have seen the headlines that she’s going to be on a Netflix show called ‘The Gentlemen’. I’ve watched that show, and it might be filmed in the Cotswolds, which is where Hollywood people like to go and play lord and lady, but it is full-on splatter-core. It’s sexy and slick and very, very bloody, and it just seems really unlikely for a Meghan return. So, that now looks like it was just a PR stunt to get us all watching the show’s season two, which is about to drop.

But Harry’s got Invictus next year as well as the 30th anniversary of his mum’s death, so there are some other reasons for him being in the UK too.

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Which brings me to my third and most fervent wish: that really, this is all about… jam.

What I’m looking at is Meghan doing a crossover with Marks & Spencer on a new damson range. I’m hoping for a last gasp at season three of With Love, Meghan, where she has to find another fake kitchen to film in and get her head around steamed pudding and scones instead of rainbow fruit platters and sea urchins.

Considering we know a film crew has been trailing them, I really hope we’re going to get a new doco. I would absolutely love that; Harry sulking about who gets to go to Christmas, and Meghan, considering Kate is unbelievably popular in the UK right now, replicating her school-run vibe and popping into Waitrose. I just think it would be so delicious. So, I want to see this move.

But what I really think… because I’m currently in a spare room in my parents’ house, where, like every adult visiting home, I’m reduced to a midlife version of my petulant childhood self, is that it’s finally occurred to Harry that he’s a grown-up with a big bank account and a passport, and he and his family can live wherever the hell they like.

And what he knows for absolute sure, above all else, is that he doesn’t want his kids to have American accents. He wants them to go to the same fancy schools he went to, and he wants them to talk like him. It’s understandable. That’s all I’m going to say.

Anyway, this is going to run and run. It’s like Christmas for me. It’s very exciting.

I hope you’re all great. I’ll see you soon.

Holly xx

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