What to Do When You Don't Know What Decision to Make

Good morning my loves,

Writing to you from SFO with a matcha latte. We’re off to Miami for my mother in law’s big 70 celebration. We’re working from there for most of the week and then having a 4 day weekend celebration, can’t wait for some beach 🏖️ time.

I finished reading “Autoimmunity and the Good Girls” by Sara Hirsh Bordo and let me tell you, it has shaken a lot of things up inside of me. What it’s bringing up, is this idea that being raised as “a good girl” has confused my self trust meter.

As I’m currently wrestling with a decision, I’ve been feeling anxious and like my mind is going at 10000x miles an hour. Thought after thought, pros and cons lists, values mapping, conversations with people around me, tossing and turning in my sleep and watching shows to distract this inner chatter. As I woke up yesterday morning (Sunday), after another night of not the best sleep, I thought, I need to run this out. The tool that’s been a part of my toolbox for the longest. I use to have this mug that said: “I run the crazies away”. I’m so grateful for track and field in high school where I first got introduced to running. This tool carried me through college and my first working years before I added other tools to my toolbox.

To this day, when I really feel like I can’t be still, it’s my go to.

As I put on my shoes and tied them up, I said a prayer in my head: “help me make this decision, show me what I need to see”.

As I got to my favorite part of the run, right by the water, view on Mt Tamalpais…I noticed the water.

Still, so very still.

I laughed and looked up as I thought: “of course, stillness…that’s what I’ve been avoiding, thank you!”

I finished my run and laid down on my mat, staying still and silent.

That’s the think when you have been conditioned to listen to every single person’s emotion before your own. You let 30 sec instagram videos somehow gain authority over your own inner compass.

And then…you get quiet and the dial to that internal voice starts to turn up little by little.

It’s always when I’m avoiding the silence that I need it most.

So it’s with so much courage, love and compassion that I find moments to get quiet.

And trust that the answer will come…

May you trust that your answers can come from within.

With love and light,

Magali