Through the Looking Glass of Beliefs

Hello you BEAUTIFUL Soul!

I couldn’t let Gemini Season pass without taking a look at the energetic mirror the celestial twins offer us.

The last few months I’ve spoken to the way we think and believe, most often in relation to ourselves or personal circumstances. The way we allow ourselves to succeed or retreat based on how and what we think or believe. The lived experiences that shape us.

With Gemini season here, and inviting the duality of the sign into the conversation, I invite you to take what you’ve learned about yourself and apply it in a new way: Explore your thoughts and beliefs about others.

In these very interesting times that can be quite the loaded request as there are so many aspects of others to have thoughts and beliefs about. And this is why it’s important to do the work with yourself first, so you have room and space to hold compassion. Understanding that some of our most limiting beliefs about ourselves are rooted in someone else’s view/belief/opinion grants us new perspective. Using that perspective to shift the point of view, that compassion can now radiate outward.

If I have beliefs about myself, OF FUCKING COURSE I have beliefs about others. Those beliefs are guided by my upbringing, my lived experiences, my teachers and mentors, my family and friends, my community, society, the patriarchy… I can go on and on. And it is absolutely my responsibility to own what those beliefs about others are. Are they based on fear from second/third/fourth/infinity hand “experience,” or is it my own belief developed from my own lived experiences? Is it a belief developed from a one-off situation or is it a proven pattern, tested and confirmed through scientific method of proof to be true? (Just because I’m spiritual doesn’t mean I negate the reality of physics.)

These types of exercises are bound to trigger the ego in some way. It’s one thing to have to own what we think or believe about ourselves; self-deprecation is pretty much a societal norm. But thoughts about others… this is where that Gemini energy makes its mark. Everyone around you is a mirror reflection of you. In one way or another, they reflect pieces, parts and facets of you. In some cases it’s meant as a wake-up call, to bring awareness and change. In some instances it’s a reminder of a part of us that’s grown into something new. In other spaces it’s a potential of who or what we can become, for better or worse.

One of the ways I like to start examining my beliefs of others is to put myself in a box first. If someone were to see me for the first time, based solely on my appearance, what might they believe about me? What group might I be categorized as? Oh, does that make me feel uncomfortable, thinking about how someone might categorize or create a belief about me based solely on what I look like?

Yep, this exercise is tough. It requires the ability to rise up and above, to look at things from many angles and perspectives to develop a broader view point. This is why I like to use a diamond as an example. Looking at one from the top, you see a flat surface. But when you pick it up and turn it around, you see so many other facets that ultimately contribute to its brilliance, an understanding you would not have had otherwise.

This is you. You are multi-faceted. Your brilliance comes from the various reflections of your multitude of facets. AND… the same is true for others. If you only look at the surface, you rob yourself of the depths of understanding you can achieve.

So let’s do this. At first glance, I appear to be a white woman. Those are 2 categories I am automatically assigned to. While my ethnic heritage is a rich mix of indigenous, colonizer and immigrant groups, and my 4th generation salsa recipe will make your Nana question her roots, you see light/medium/tanned (depends on the season) skin and green eyes. What beliefs do you have about white women? If you are a white woman, what beliefs do you carry about the groups you represent?

Digging in further: What I’m wearing will guide your beliefs about me. Is my hair done, make-up in place and clothing freshly pressed as I’m out and about running errands? Or, am I wearing my super comfy pajamas and favorite slippers to the grocery store? Which one will you judge as less than you? Yes, I asked that. Because most of you will. Because most of you were taught to.

When I was in my twenties and they were still fairly taboo, one of my favorite things used to be looking at the portfolios of tattoo artists showing full body tattoos on people that were able to be completely covered by business attire. No one would ever know their CEO was covered in ink. No one would look at the person and believe they weren’t qualified for their job because they chose to decorate their body with permanent art.

Beyond looks, the way I speak will make you believe certain things about me. What does my accent say about me? How about my grammar? Use of regional dialect or slang? We have entire communities judged for the way they speak, without further examination of that diamond. So, what do I believe about someone with a southern accent? Or one from New York or Boston? Midwest? Valley Girl? Surfer? Perhaps an ethnic accent indicating someone who is bilingual or a polyglot? Or did I skip the polyglot part and just judge an accent?

“Do you know how frustrating it is to have to translate everything in my head before I say it? … Do you even know how smart I am in Spanish?” - Gloria Delgado-Pritcher from Modern Family

Let’s take this exercise offshore… As an American, I’ve noticed we as a population tend to carry a belief that Parisians are arrogant and unhelpful. “Better not try to speak French, they’ll only laugh at you.” “Don’t expect help from anyone in Paris, they hate Americans.” REALLY? An entire city filled with millions of people and every single one of them is an asshole? Hmmm, maybe dig into that one a bit. Do you believe that people in another country that speak another language should know English to support you as a tourist? Do you believe others need to change their ways to accommodate you as a traveler? Do you believe that you are entitled to specific treatment as a tourist? An American tourist at that. Do you carry an unconscious air of power or superiority based on historic wars? KEEP DIGGING.

One of the reasons certain books are being banned and certain things are being kept out of our history lessons is that looking at the self and where beliefs come from can make you feel a certain way. Your ego by default of your human design wants to keep you safe. Feeling bad about yourself causes pain. Ego doesn’t like pain. Ego must adjust so that there is no pain. Ego and brain get together to formulate a plan. That plan is to protect you at all costs, including any mental gymnastics necessary to validate you. And you don’t even know it’s happening.

This is a big reason as to why we carry beliefs about folks we don’t even know. Groups have been identified, categorized and stereotyped because the brain requires that to stay sane and ultimately keep you safe. Animals tend to be skittish, cautious and careful in new environments and especially around other animals. This keeps them safe. We are animals. Our instinct is to stay safe, so we judge everything around us to ensure that safety. Our judgments are fueled by beliefs, and in those beliefs is a perceived sense of safety.

But at what cost? I invite you to really consider your limiting beliefs about others, especially those who challenge you. Then turn back to the mirror, and locate those beliefs about yourself. When you’ve identitfied them, take a big, deep breath, and start the process of releasing them as you exhale.

With much love and energetic support on this endeavor,

Tarah