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Hey! I’m Tim Barnes; it’s Thursday in America, and here are FIVE JOKES!
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Dane Cook’s brother stole $12 million from him and hid bricks of cash in pasta sauce. Turns out the red sauce in the fridge was turning green for two reasons.
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Longtime New York high school football coach Bob Fehranbach stepped down this week, citing a "lack of connection" with the players. Wow. A football coach substitute teaches one film studies class and suddenly thinks he’s a critic.
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A California proposal that would have banned the sale of genetically engineered "designer pets," including glow-in-the-dark rabbits and unicorns, has stalled in the state legislature. Everyone in the room just needed a moment to check if they’d been chewing on their regular snacks or their special “designer snacks” from the local Sir-Smokes-A-Lot.
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The dating app Bumble now allows men to make the first move, suggesting its women-first positioning was limiting growth. Naturally, this business move is known as “the man spread.”
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Finally…
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Natalie Harp, special assistant to Donald Trump, continues to be the focus of media attention after an MS Now report revealed that she had worked at the White House for nearly a year without obtaining a security clearance. And, you know what? So much has happened this year that it isn’t out of the realm of possibility that Donald Trump has found himself in some sort of I Dream of Genie scenario.
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The FDA has released its highest risk warning for blueberries.
Teen Boys are using Meta glasses to harass and bully girls at high schools and middle schools.
Public-facing workers are being filmed, harassed, and creeped out by AI-powered smart glasses.
NYC sanitation workers are fed up with being pricked by weight-loss drug needles.
What we’re gonna do right here is go back / Way back / Back into time
Sunday 8/23 in Brooklyn -
Fixing the American Healthcare System (in 2 Days) Comedy Festival. Akeem S. Roberts and myself will be discussing this piece for The Out-of-network Network - (INFO)
Wednesday 8/26 (Online) -
A free virtual discussion with Susan Morrison about her recent biography “Lorne: The Man Who Invented Saturday Night Live.”! - (INFO)
“What’s with emailing five jokes a day?” — It’s all explained here:
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