FIVE JOKES: 8/21/26

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Hey! I’m Tim Barnes, it’s Friday in America, and here are FIVE JOKES!

• Jaafar Jackson says the Michael sequel will finally provide Jackson’s POV on child abuse allegations. What happened to the good old days when sequels were just called “2” instead of “You Know, Darth Vader Had A Few Good Ideas”

• The U.S. federal debt hit a record $40 trillion this week. The debt has doubled since 2017, and just paying interest on the accumulated debt now costs the government more than $1 trillion a year. Damn… what’s our credit score?

• ChatGPT can now send texts for you with new Apple Messages plug-in. So, yes, surveillance has entered the group chat.

• Bali jailed a Swiss tourist for insulting a sacred day of silence. Librarians everywhere are taking notes.

Finally…

• Tesla recalled 3 million cars as part of China-wide push to stop hidden door handles. Best to tackle that issue now before we have to deal with pesky secret handles on Tesla’s robo-sex-workers.

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• Thousands of Gary, Indiana residents could go two weeks without power after last week’s deadly storms.

• U.S. Navy officials may name a new aircraft carrier after President Donald Trump instead of a Black World War II sailor who heroically saved lives when Pearl Harbor was bombed.

• Federal sales of protected wild horses have increased sharply under the Trump administration, fueling concerns among animal-welfare groups that some could ultimately enter slaughter channels after being sold through a government program.

• Reggie Watts is a promotes ketamine and psychedelics to explore higher consciousness. Yet friends of his ex-girlfriend, who died by suicide, claim his encouragement fueled an addiction. Watts’ team calls the claims “dangerously false.

• The controversy surrounding the G.L.O.V.E. electric shock device is moving beyond federal immigration enforcement and into America's schools, with district officials facing growing pressure to ban or restrict the technology after police confirmed it was used on students in Omaha.

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