Time flies, I wink

I released Blinks! ten (it’s the next day again) eleven days ago. And I keep meaning to write so that I am consistent and present and I- every time I come to do it I don’t like anything I have to say. I take it as a sign that it just isn’t the moment to do it. And I put it off and one day turns into two, two turns into ten eleven and the world spins madly on. Now I’m remembering that song. One of those songs that’s a whole world of memory when I hear it. It’s high school again and I smell the Turkish Royals my friends are smoking while I sit in the cold and watch because I’d rather do that, or maybe sit there holding one and breathe in but not really inhale because it made me too sick, than sit inside alone and wait for them to get back. Songs like that I use as markers of growth. When a song really captures the essence of your existence in such a specific moment. Moments of pure growth - like there is this visceral knowing that change is happening. You can almost feel yourself changing, falling into place. Now, fitting perfectly in the track instead of riding the rail. If only for a season.

And now I realize this is all what Blinks! is about. How time just flies and it’s all the same and it’s all different and you laugh because it all happened in the end. When I first wrote this song, I was thinking about longing and human nature and a lust for life. Wanting to just act and move and be. I didn’t realize it at the time. I thought it was mundane - I kept waiting for my phone to go off and have a moment alone outside on the balcony…

A light blinks from the corner of my eye, see it’s you again, I step outside…

It was right in the in-between, after covid and before life really started happening again in Los Angeles. GR and I lived in a one-bedroom with a hallway and this tiny kitchen where you could spread your arms apart and touch both sides. It was a profound time and I’m still wrapping my head around it. I can’t really explain it. I had such a deep sigh that I couldn’t release. Then I wrote this song.

And I remember at that other time, too, as a kid, feeling the same way I felt in that in-between time in LA. And that’s how we’re the same, her and I. Now I may smoke a cigarette just to sit next to my fifteen year old self, the same way she sat with her girlfriends venting about their parents or their crushes or their dreams. Or, I can write a song and it’s like that too. I guess it’s all just figuring out ways to keep meeting yourself, again and again.

I did make a playlist for Blinks! however I’ve since grown beyond that moment and have a memory bank of the whole ep for you instead. Just throw it on shuffle. It’s a 5 hour long playlist of pretty much everything I was listening to that inspired me while I was writing and singing and wondering for these last few years. Stuff that inspired me to continue to confront the ugly parts of myself so that I could finally make some music. Like when you send a single song to someone (I guess the purpose of music in this form) - Tokens. A glimmer that gets you out of the rut of indignation and back to the truth of your spirit. Reminders that it is still worth it. Even while life continues to supply endless fuel for doubt. That it’s just making something, marking that you were here and you noticed and are continuing and you want to show it to someone else.

Anyways, enjoy Blinks! and all these other songs. Thank you for being here together.

a light blinks from the corner of my eye

see it’s you again, I step outside

in the open air I don’t feel so confined

like I’m levitating

outside of time, with you

maybe I’m more than just one person

at a time

maybe I can be an audience for you

for you

I can’t help it, I can’t help it, I can’t help it

I’m alive

I can’t help it, I can’t help it, I have

been here for a long time

blue words take shape in echoes not in lines

losing potency, collapsing as it binds

to every thought and every figure

captured in the sands of time

bending along

tho I blink

it’s never really gone