Again, with feeling

Tidal Waves is out.

I’ve been getting these visits in my dreams. It’s throwing me off. I rarely dream about people who are no longer in my life but he’s been in my dreams like 4 different times in the last week and a half. I rarely even remember my dreams. These are good dreams too, which makes it a particular type of demented. Alas, glad to get the visit at all since we don’t talk in real life. And it makes sense because the song came out tonight/day and. For some reason this song really feels like the culmination of everything I was feeling, I mean it was the last one I wrote. I guess it feels like a goodbye.

It started as a song about hoping we could see eye to eye. I was trying to remedy things. The first demo is from April of 2022. I had the melody but couldn’t figure out the story. But I had this clear feeling of the song, didn’t know what I was trying to say. Which makes sense because I didn’t know yet. Sometimes writing songs feels very psychic. You know the song before you know the song, you know?

I kept playing and playing the melody. And then over the course of the rest of that spring and into summer and into fall all of these moments were made. You know the ones that change things. Shifting. Settling. Understanding. Realizations. You have these conversations about growth and direction and desire. oof. By September, it kind of just spilled out one day. I recorded this demo at the end of October 2022.

This is what I sent to Jacob. It’s crazy to hear how my voice has changed. You can hear the sadness in my throat. Kinda hard for me to listen to this honestly. But that’s what I was saying I guess, I take it with me. We live with our choices and they come up everywhere all the time. And there isn’t a right or wrong it’s just, how to respond to the impact of it all. Doing your best by someone. I was so scared that I was making the wrong choices. But, as I’ve been told and have learned myself, you can only speak your truth. That is the only way to truly be loved. By the beginning of December, GR and I decided to part ways.

Barely a week later I got the first bounce of Tidal Waves back. Thank God Jacob sent me something back that had a bit more uplift. Because now it’s a sad bop…the best kind! I would need it too because I was in the beginnings of what I now (like just now) refer to as the Year of Tears. Where I cried more tears in one year then I think I have in all of my lifetime(s). I remember writing that I felt like a river. I moved out of Blondies Produce (what we called the house) and started my journey of growing tf up. Because your first break-up is very formative. And I am a Late Bloomer by trade. In early March, Jacob came to LA and we had planned on recording at Blondies. Which I thought would be just fine! What the fuck was I thinking. There I was in my previously shared home with all of our shared items around me and my previous partner upstairs trying to pretend it’s all cool. Long story short, we needed to redo those vocals. I felt like I was going to combust.

At first, the song just started with the guitar riff. In the spring (2023), back in Kentucky, we went to Zach’s late Dad’s old video store (where the studio was) to rerecord the vocals. And there we started playing around with the mini harp. Jacob tuned it up and handed it to me to strum. Which he looped and that ended up becoming the intro/outro of the song. Can’t imagine it without it now. Woof. It’s hard to explain all of this and maybe it’s uninteresting but anyone who knows anything about me knows that I’m long-winded. I like to say that I’m detail-oriented.

Well, let me know what you think. You can listen to Tidal Waves wherever you like to listen to music (I think). And we go on…XOXO