Popcorn is for watching. Which is unfortunate, because this week the programming includes a girls’ school in Iran being hit in a U.S.-Israel strike, with reports of more than 100 children killed. The U.S. does have a long, proud tradition of acting shocked about dead kids, right up until it’s time to change literally anything. Pattern recognition is exhausting.
This week, the spectacle arrives at a particularly convenient moment. Just as certain files with a very famous last name were inching back into headlines. Make this recipe while swallowing your disgust and watching foreign bombs double as domestic distraction. You can hear the oil warming in real time: kernels popping, crude surging, gas prices ticking upward like a soundtrack to empire.
And then the president, in a burst of TED Talk–meets–drone strike energy, tells Iranian civilians to rise up and take over their government now that their leader is dead. Like your aunt at dinner who says, “I’m not saying you have to fix it, I’m just saying it would be nice,” and then stares directly at you. (Just me? Cool cool.)
There is something uniquely American about consuming catastrophe as content. We move from missile footage to meal planning without leaving the couch, flipping between footage of burning buildings and a recipe video for sheet-pan salmon (which, honestly, does pair well). Somewhere in that toggle, war starts to feel less like policy and more like programming.
So you make popcorn. Because what else are you supposed to do with your hands while parents in Iran are pulling backpacks out of rubble?
Serves: American citizens beginning to suspect that “overseas operations” and armored vehicles in their own zip codes might share a budget line.
Prep Time: About as long as the president paused to weigh the civilian fallout.
½ cup popcorn kernels (densely packed, like students before class)
2–3 tablespoons oil (vegetable, canola, or whatever’s spiking on the global market)
2 tablespoons butter, melted (for people who prefer their crises lubricated)
Salt, to taste (and to mirror international commentary)
A large bowl sturdy enough to hold both popcorn and existential dread
Pour the oil into a large, heavy-bottomed pot and place over medium heat. Add three “precision target” kernels and wait for them to explode (a necessary show of strength, according to people nowhere near the stove).
Once the test kernels pop, add the remaining popcorn and cover with a lid. Shake the pot—not to stop the explosions, just to give the appearance that someone is managing it.
When the popping slows, take the pot off the burner. Lift the lid carefully and let the steam escape; history suggests there’s more heat to come.
Pour into your bowl. Drizzle with melted butter and salt generously. Adjust as needed (unlike failed foreign policy).
Sit down. Hold the bowl with both hands. Scroll. Chew. Swallow. Repeat.
In America, we season our conflicts to taste. Add melted butter for comfort, nutritional yeast for moral superiority, or a shake of cayenne for righteous outrage. These kinds of wars, like these kinds of snacks, can be tailored to your palate—so long as you’re the one holding the bowl and not the one under the smoke.
War, now streaming.
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