10 years

10 years ago today I woke up and took this photo of myself in the mirror to document where I was in my pregnancy - 24 weeks along. 

Two hours later, I found out my then-husband was having an affair, (and not for the first time). And in an instant, I knew my marriage was over.

The end of that marriage significantly changed the course of my life. I went from the security of being a military family to the unknowns of being a single mom to four kids. My income was cut in half, and suddenly, after 8 years of being a stay at home mom, I needed to find a job again. I was heartbroken and betrayed, I didn’t think I would ever recover from the pain of what I’d lost. 

An amazing group of women from my church rallied around my kids and me, they encouraged us and loved on us, often leaving kind notes at my house, dropping off meals for us to eat, or bringing gifts for my children. No matter what, God always provided and we always made ends meet. When my daughter was one month old, these same women held a beautiful baby shower to celebrate her arrival. I remember one woman coming up to me and we chatted about the challenges I was facing, and she said, “One day, you’ll be thankful that this happened.” I smiled and nodded, but in my head I thought, Are you crazy?  My life was in shambles, and I felt I was standing amongst the ashes of all my broken dreams, and yet, she thought I would be thankful? 

Days turned into months, which turned into years. God continued to provide in the most unexpected ways. I found a variety of jobs that allowed me to work from home and stay close to my kids while they were little. My children and I stayed busy doing activities that helped us bond. Together, we developed a close family unit, the five of us. When I was assaulted by my ex with hurtful messages, God would always find a way to show me the truth. I vividly remember one weekend receiving texts about how no one would ever want me and four kids. The next day, Sunday, I got everyone dressed, and as I pushed the stroller into church with my three boys walking next to me, I felt the weight of those cruel words, wondering if they were true, if we were just a walking burden. My thoughts were interrupted by a greeter at the door, an elderly gentleman who smiled wide at me and said, “Wow, you have four kids! I always wanted four kids.” I was stunned at his words. They spoke straight to my heart, and I knew God wanted me to hear them, to know that we were worthy, and that there would be someone who would love all of us and never see us as a burden.

Healing took time, but the women from my church who rallied around us were instrumental in that process. God also brought a woman into my life, the sister of a friend, who was going through a similar situation at the same time, and being able to confide in her was so helpful. She became one of my closest confidantes and dearest friends. 

The following spring, I joined a Divorce Care class in town. Being able to connect with others who understood that painful road was exactly what I needed at the time. It was in that class that I met a man named Todd, who had also been burned in his marriage. We would exchange pleasantries at each class, and I admired his love for the Lord, which became evident each week when the teachers would open discussion up for prayer. At the end of the 12 week class, we exchanged phone numbers as friends, and I was surprised a couple weeks later when he reached out and invited my kids and me to go for a walk at his farm. In Todd I found a best friend, and the definition of a true partner. He has taken my kids in and loves them like they are his own. 

It felt important to recognize that it has been 10 years since my life drastically changed course. As I have sat with my thoughts this week, my overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude. When I think back to my friend’s words at my baby shower, I have to laugh now. I am thankful. I am so glad that 10 years ago my children and I were rescued. We were freed from a toxic marriage and home life, freed from misery and destruction. In the past 10 years, I have experienced independence, growth, deeper connections with my children, and for the first time, true love.

Going through this experience strengthened my faith in God, which only helped to prepare me for when Caden was diagnosed with cancer. I had seen so clearly how God provided and had been near during such a dark time, and I knew without a doubt, he would be with us as we faced a new challenge.

My hope is that if anyone reading this is waking up today and feeling like their life has blown up in their face, just hold on. God is good and great things are ahead. In 10 years, you may just be thankful for the very thing that is causing you the most pain.