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There were so many years I half-dreaded Mother’s Day.

Sure, it was nice to get the handmade cards and the extra hugs and snuggles, but, most years, I had these high expectations (I’m going to sleep 8 hours! I’ll finally finish my book! Maybe I’ll take a nap!) and then ended the day feeling totally drained and resentful (Why did everyone cry so much at brunch? I wish I hadn’t yelled when they wouldn’t take their nap! I just wanted a few minutes to myself!!!).

And I hated feeling like that!

I felt like such a whiny mom. Here’s my family, who loves me very much, trying to appreciate me and I’m Veruca Salt-ing everywhere, throwing a tantrum because I didn’t get to sleep in.

In the midst of heated argument one time, I yelled at my husband, “I get TWO DAYS a year that are about me - my birthday and Mother’s Day! And one of them isn’t actually about me at all!”

Whew. And also, it felt totally true.

I was worn out and needed those days to fully rest. To feel free from responsibilities and to just be Kara for a day. To have the space to think and sleep and do whatever I wanted, instead of constantly taking a barometer on everyone else’s needs.

Mother’s Day didn’t actually tick any of those boxes, but it was dressed up to look like it did, which was why I’d get so frustrated.

After our fight, though, we changed it.

Chris and I decided to keep Mother’s Day the way it was - hanging out with the family and celebrating with the kids.

But, you also got one day the weekend before or after, completely free from responsibilities, to do whatever you wanted.

A true fill-me-up day that was completely yours. You could sleep in, take a road trip, walk around the city, never leave the bedroom, binge Kardashians guilt-free, whatever you wanted for the entirety of the day.

It was THE BEST. And it took all of the pressure off of actual Mother’s Day.

I could hang out, resentment-free with my mom or the kids or everyone all at once, knowing I still had a day all to myself.

Now, this idea may or may not work for you and your time of life (I’m constantly trying to force my kids into hanging out with me more, so I don’t need a free day 😭), but THE IDEA behind it absolutely will.

1. Say what you actually need
2. Set expectations ahead of time

Simple, right? 🤯 But so effective!

So, it might look like this:

“I need some time to use my brain in ways that don’t involve Bingo and Bluey (#1). We’ll go to brunch as a family and then mom will have the afternoon free to do whatever she wants (#2).”

See how easy it is!

It could also look like this:

“I need to feel extra-special and taken care of this year (#1). I would like it if you could buy me croissants from the place I like on Tennyson and then for each kid to make me a handmade card (#2).”

You’re allowed to ask for what will make you feel loved! And I bet your partner would feel relieved to not have to guess...

Here’s what I’m doing this year.

My kids are teens with very busy lives and I want more, more, more of them! (Totally ironic this whole parenting thing… 🙄) So, I’m going to say:

“I need to spend some good, solid time with you where our family is the main event (#1). Feel free to sleep in, but then we’re going to do something as a family from probably 10 - 2 (how about pickleball?) and then we’ll head to dinner together again about 6pm (#2).”

Make sense?

It’s okay for you to need things. It’s okay to tell other people what those needs are (and it actually makes life easier for everyone!).

Try this out before the big day and let me know how it goes! 🎉

And, remember, Mother’s Day can be a day where you get exactly what you need to fill you back up as a mom (and it doesn’t even need to come in a fancy box, although that works too! 💎).

Sending you so much love and a resentment-free holiday!

My fave hack for a resentment-free Mother's Day

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