Amateur Portraits of Me, in Order of Seniority in the Criminal Organisation to Which They All Belong.
O wad some power the giftie gie us / To see oursels as others see us.
Love, The Airport
Things I didn't know; things that made me laugh; things I'm doing you can come to, buy, watch or listen to; things I've come across; things I've written. And too many animals.
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From my Diary for July 2026
Concerning cutting-edge sheepdogs, short policemen, tall guardsmen, the three types of field marshal, a six foot man in a three foot paddling pool, and a gap in the cinematic universe.
The Traitors of Allwyn
Concerning murderous villagers, stern talkings-to, capable pig-boys and death by cow.
Generically Handsome Men Approving of Glasses of Water.
Hi.
Victor Hugo Has His Author Photo Taken
And a celebration of the glorious Anthony Head.
How to Get The Body Of a Greek God, and the Head of a Furious Lion!
Perhaps, like me and many of my top-half-lion, bottom-half-man centaur friends, you have been considering the potential health benefits of giving up alcohol.
From my Diary for April 2026
Concerning stand-offish plovers, absent frogs, unappealing fritters and ubiquitous capybaras.
A Thirty-Second Found Play on a Railway Bridge
Concerning the pelting of a train, the bisection of a pianist, and the reversion of some plums.
An Open Letter To Boots the Chemist.
Dear Boots the Chemist.
People I Worry Aren't Enjoying the Garden of Earthly Delights as Much as They Expected.
In Hieronymus Bosch’s famous triptych ‘The Garden of Earthly Delights’, the left-hand panel shows the Garden of Eden, all peaceful and holy, with Adam and Eve getting a sneak preview of Jesus, while nearby a duck reads a book.
What I said about Prince Andrew in 2011
Yesterday, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly Prince Andrew the Duke of York, was arrested in connection with his time as a British trade envoy.