Generically Handsome Men Approving of Glasses of Water.

Hi. As a generically handsome man in a pretend kitchen, the question I’m most often asked is: “What do you think of this glass of water?”

Well, let me tell you right now: I approve of it! This glass of water and me: we are sympatico. We have no beef. I am 100% behind this glass of water, and support it in all its aims and ambitions. It’s a great glass of water, and I wish it well.

When I need hydration, I reach for a Glass of Water ™.

Water on its own is delicious, but without the glass, it tends to go all runny and weird-shaped, and I find it hard to make it go in me.

On the other hand, the glass on its own is empty and unsatisfying. I have to drink thousands of them before I feel refreshed, and even then I often still die of thirst.

But the two of them together? A Glass of Water™? Now that’s a winning combination! Thumbs UP!

Folks, as you know, this fall our congressional district will be electing a new gubernatorial college to flip the Senate, and as a generically handsome man in a pretend living room, my vote will be going to this glass of water.

I fully endorse this glass of water, and its key policies of hydrogen, hydrogen, and oxygen. Moreover, this glass of water has always been a friend to the generically handsome men in pretend rooms community, and engages with the issues that really matter to us, such as introducing ever finer grades of beard trimming, and making it illegal to display books spine outwards. Vote this glass of water: Clearly the best choice!*

*Water is clear, and clear means obvious, and also glass is clear.

Hey, guys; and to some extent fellas. Y’know, there are some things we guys and fellas just don’t like to think about, amiright? Our team losing the big game. Women secretly laughing at us. And the big one: rabies.

Well, here’s the good news. Checking yourself for rabies is simple, straightforward, uncomplicated, facile, thesaurus, and easy. Simply go into your kitchen, pour a glass of water, and see what you think of it.

If, like me, your feelings to the water are warm and positive, congratulations! You’re likely rabies free. If you’re largely indifferent to the water, it may be worth taking a further test, such as biting a fox and seeing what happens. In the very unlikely event that you find the water scary, there’s no need to panic, but it might be time to make an appointment with your local farmer to have yourself put down.

But for most of us: approve of a glass of water today, and allay those rabies fears forever, for a while!

For more sort of like this, I suggest:

But for more exactly like this, ie more handsome men, albeit now with slightly more complicated feelings about glasses of water, I suggest leaping lightly over the approaching paywall. Otherwise, as ever:

Love,

The Airport.